Times Are A Changing

Fickle is a word I like a hell of a lot. I think for such a short word it's just ideal to describe a certain feeling which at times can be quite complicated and you expect a word which is fitting to explain that feeling would be somewhat longer. Perhaps it's just something I think about and everyone now officially thinks I'm weird. Oh wells.

The biggest news of late was my finally being pushed over the edge and resigning from my job. It in itself is all rather complicated because its both gut wrenching and freeing. The closer my final days come, the more sure I feel that I've made the right choice. However, it's hard to say good bye to the patients (and there have been a wide range of responses) and the people I work with and its scary to know that I still don't have a job to go to. I mean, I have a week off, then we're flying out to the US for two weeks and then I need to get a job pretty soon after that. I'm sure it'll be fine. But it doesn't make the unknown any less scary. I am sure that can be applied to a variety of circumstances and I'm sure a number of you, if not all of you, can relate to that feeling.

In saying that, I have been working hard at applying for jobs. And I've spent more of a focus on jobs which I want, or for organisations I want to work for. Yes, I've registered with a few temp agencies because the bottom line is, I will need money!! But I think my general level of happiness will improve greatly because I think there will be less of that feeling where I am constantly fighting a losing battle. Its all a bit too morally disheartening. I can't function like that and I feel like I've come far enough in my own journey to finally be able to do that about work. And things I don't really have to do, or choose to do. I mean, there is always that little voice which gets worried about decisions I make. True, at the moment life is not ideal and if it all boils down to it, I'm here and now because of a choice I made. Yes, moving to the UK was a choice Erin and I did make together, but I pushed for it a lot more than she did and I think she'd have waited a while longer. However, it's done now and here we are. Its sort of empowering really to know that life can be influenced that much and changed to much.

Which makes me think about all the people in Japan. To be going about daily life and suddenly have a natural disaster like that unfold, and then have more bad things happen on top of each other . . . I think it certainly challenges the spirit of a nation and a culture. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Its heartbreaking to see it on the news, and to hear how things are still unfolding. I thank my lucky stars that I do have the life I have and lets face it, I'm happy and healthy and have a steady place to live. I have people who care about me around me.

Ahh TV is so entertaining. There's so much rubbish on there! And what qualifies as entertainment is crazy. I feel somewhat horrid for going from Japan's Disaster to something as unimportant as TV, but I have it on in the background at the moment.

I'm debating going outside. It feels like springtime is finally here. There is sunshine and cloudless skies out there. Yes, its still kinda fresh out there but its so lovely to see the sun and see how pretty it makes everything. I was thinking about gardening. Not today, but soon. However I really don't know all that much about it! I like the idea of growing things, but I don't have a great track record in doing so and I'm also wondering if I should have started planting things by now? I haven't a clue!!