Fickle -The Word of the Day

I've decided if I were to turn into a word, it would be Fickle because right now that's what I feel surging through my body. Fickle. Or Fickleness, if that's even a word. Lots is Fickle right now. Lots is changing which makes things even more Fickle. Or it feels like lots is changing, thus I guess lots will become Fickle. I highly doubt that is making any sense to anyone other than myself and even then I'm not sure that it makes sense, as such.

Let's start over.

I'm in an odd mood today. Or was. Then I just got really made again, and decided I'm back to really badly wanting to quit my job. I really badly can feel that I'm now no longer getting anything out of this and am feeling of no use to anyone. More than anything I am so over being treated like a piece of poop and being on the receiving end of frustrations simply because I am the lowly admin person. My new side kick seemed as appalled as I was about it. I told her it's all a part of our role. Not to take those things personally, even if they are point blankly directed at us. Needless to say she's said no more about the matter. I so hate this job. I really do.

Relationships are also a fickle thing. Friendships, romances, accquaintances. I'm telling I feel like Bass Straight has suddenly overflowed and is whole heartedly intending to drown me. Gosh darn it! I want life to be simple again!

Maggie is over at the moment so we've been busy playing host, working, guiding gyming and just trying to sleep every once in a while. Having a guest in the house suddenly points out just how routine and home body like we are. In saying that, I don't imply we are a pair of recluses. Just set in our ways that's all. And it's really sort of boring to an outside person no doubt!

I just . . . I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own life. It's almost like I leap out of my body and suddenly find myself questioning if this is who I am and if I'm leading my life in the right direction. I should imagine a lot of people find themselves asking the same thing. But still, it doesn't make the though any less alarming. I assumed I was doing what I wanted to do. Though right now I feel like I am stuck in a bogg, can see the distant shore but also know I am getting no closer to it. What the hell is that about?!

There is a nice new shining ring on my finger. It's a rather odd thing to wear. I don't say that in a bad way. But it feels different to how I thought it would feel, not that I could describe how I thought it would feel in the first place. Not that I've ever thought of straying, I have very stong feelings about that. But it's almost like now I totally can't. Not that I want to! It's odd. I am looking at things in a very odd way today. Maybe there was something in my tea. Or maybe it was the stale cornflakes, I do not know.

Have to admit I am both excited about and dreading the arrival of Thursday. Sydney. Normally it would be fine, but the more and more I read about World Youth Day, the more nervous I become. I can't believe of all weekends I choose for us to fly up there, that's the one. Good grief.