Mixed Emotions

They're such complicated things, emotions. You can feel any number of them at once and it's like different parts of you are split into different segments and are arguing with themselves. I guess that's what it feels like to have multiple personalities, only I'm not sure the person is aware that they have multiple personalities.

Anyways, here's a run down of it all. Firstly, and foremost, I'm excited. Maggie arrives tomorrow morning. July has arrived ever so quickly! So there will be lots to do and see and Erin will be very happy for some time because she'll have a little slice of home here and I know its going to make her smile unlike she's smiled in a long time. But on the flip side to that, I know that when Maggie goes she's going to be all sad and depressed and really homesick. So that in turn makes me feel bad. It's such a bittersweet situation.

Next in line comes guilt. And well, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because we're have the first screw up of KOB shows and even though its not my fault, I still feel bad. Way back in May for the Guides Vic AGM we talked to a group of people about coming and performing for what I assuming is like a school holiday program, but only for a day. Because it was a work day, it would require us taking time off work. At that stage they were unsure if we were going to be suited. We were told they'd get back to us and let us know and I remember saying let us know ASAP so that we can arrange to get that day off work. Handed over some flyers and left it at that. Monday I get a phone call making sure we're still able to come on next Tuesday. Well of course I freak out over that, said that we had never confirmed that date and the caller said we had. I told them I'd see what I could do. So bottom line is we can't do that date as Erin can't get the day off work. She also agrees that we never confirmed the date and that someone was going to call us about it. So yeah, I feel bad about the whole thing because they now need to scramble to find something to fill in that time, but on the same token I know it's not my fault. Though I do feel bad. That's just me.

I'm also feeling a little guilty about moving OS. Not for anyone here, rather for Erin. Its going to mean that for a while we may have to have some time apart again. I'm not happy with that arrangement and neither is she, but there's not a lot we can do about it. She's just so scared about it and I think I'm mentally starting (even now) to prepare myself for that parting again, but she refuses point blank to even think about it. But knowing the sort of planning involved in this, it's something we need to think about now to make preparations. It's so hard.

Then comes the exhaustion. I do simply just feel tired all the time. Like I"m constantly on the go. Work is busy. Guides seems to be becoming more and more a burden and Kids on the Block is sort of stagnent in a busy kind of way. I'm trying to cram the gym in there, and when I don't get there, feel guitly about that as well.

Stressing about money. About family. About friends. About the future.

Classic candidate for a nervous breakdown, what do you think?! Lol, it's not that bad, its really just a whole bunch of stuff having a party in my head. It just all gets a bit too much sometimes and I can't turn the music down. I'm sure it'll all pan out fine.

The Marriage of Figaro is on Saturday night. I've never been to Opera before. Gosh I hope I like it!