Its Closer Now

Its hard to believe that it's all ready the middle of November, erring on the side of late November. Kind of. Or it will be before I know it. I had many plans for this month, lots to do, much more to achieve. NaNo has fallen by the wayside. I'm not sure how that happened. Oh I should correct that. I know exactly how that has happened. For starters, limited time. Next to that comes focus. I've had very little. I can't seem to hone in on those creative writing juices thus my piece Persona has been left, well, lonely. Maybe I need to change the perspective of it. Include some blog entries, lol. I'll keep going of course, but I doubt I'll make the big 50k in less than 13 days. I'll be pushing it. In order to do that I need to write . . .just over 3100 words a day. Oh yeah, sure! Like that's gonna happen! Unless I give up on sleep. Now that's an option.

Tonight is my third last night of Guides. Its sad. I like the kids a lot. But its also a bit of a releif as well. Monday nights are getting long. I've a 50 minute drive in one direction and a 40 minute one back. On top of the worst day of the week, well, you get my drift. In saying that though, I know I'll miss the interaction with the kids greatly. I'll need to sort that out when I get to the UK.

The weekend was busy. Dinner with Penny on Friday night. Saturday morning was the finishing touches to my 100 Women in Guiding article thingie. Then I drove to Geelong for an X-Files Marathon with Jess and Emma. Left there around 11:30am on Sunday, to come home and pack and sort and pack and eat. I"m trying to do this with a sore foot. Oh yeah, like that's helping! I think I'd rather a hole in my foot!

I'm back at the DTF and CLS. It's rather white and blue. The only thing missing is the hospital smell. On the surface things have changed, but all the same issues are there. You can interpret that any which way you want. And all I need to keep telling myself is that in two weeks, it won't be my problem any more. Still . . .

Crap, where'd October go?!

Everyone stop. Don't move and stay exactly where you are. No more letting the calendar days turn over. Just put the brakes on! I realised last night that I've only got about 40 days left in the country and that scared the living crap out of me. Lots to do. Though in saying that, some things are sorted. We've got new tenants coming into the unit. So that's cool. I picked up the moving boxes last night, so that's cool.

This weekend I'm going over to Tassie to see my grandparents, and perhaps it may very well be the last time I see my grandfather alive. Which scares me greatly. He's not well, hasn't been for some time but it seems he gets worse and worse every year. Its funny, my grandparents have always been there. Both of them. To have just one just doesn't feel right. Its really sad. The last time I went to the UK my grandfather said his goodbye to me then. If I am honest, I'm not really sure I can handle another right now. That's selfish I know.

I also have to try and see my dad and that side of the family before I go. That's something I feel I ought to do as opposed to something I want to do. In all honesty, they are strangers to me. I know them no better than my co-workers. In fact, I probably know my co-workers better.

NaNoWriMo starts on Saturday. Its going to be an exciting adventure, I've decided this is the missing case from the life of Agent Manchester. The case that brings her home. It's got a dark bad person in it. Titled Persona, it has promise to be somewhat dark and complex. And on the subject of NaNo stories, there's a chance In A Heartbeat (my 07 entry) could be published. It's a self publish job (ie not picked up by a company) but published none the less! Woohoo!

Slowly, Slowly

So anyways, things are starting to fall into place. Finally. I mean there still are n o concrete plans. But things are happening. I’ve found the company which will ship our items which is all very exciting and all for around $800 assuming we use all 12 boxes which I am doubting because we really don’t intend to take that much!

Next comes wedding plans. Again, while no firm booking has been put in place, we’ve found avenue we can afford, are happy with and will be kinda different. Its not ideal (is anything) but the closest we’ve come to so far. Hopefully we’ll make that booking in January. Six months in advance should be enough, right? In addition to that, the guest list is shaping up nicely. We’ve talking about posting Vs electronic invites. Still no thoughts on what we are to wear, but that can come closer to the day. For me I know that will come down to how much weight I can shift. I have an idea in mind, it’ll just be a case of seeing if I can fit into it!

Then there is Kids on the Block. While again there are no confirmed things in place, there is interest enough to have a possible hand over before we go. Which will be nice! Its not a complete weight off my mind, but it has indeed lightened the load.

As for the unit, we’ve had six inspections with two more lined up for tomorrow. Phew! I’m a bit over the strangers in my hone deal, but at the end of the day it’s all in our favour.

There are still other things on the list to sort out, however, it knocks over a fair few big ones even to have those small rays of light in place.

NaNo is fast approaching and in talking to some people it sounds like there are plots and everything in place. I feel kinda slack on that front. However, my character in my mind is starting to take a little more shape which is reassuring. A little.

I need to go figure out something for my car!

Observations

Its rather interesting to watch how things grow and change. I know of late I’ve not been happy with where I am working and the amount of work I’ve been doing. But the lack of it has allowed me to sit back and watch people. I almost feel like I am back at Pax Lodge where there was the world of the Snr Staff and the world of the HA’s. And sometimes they would collide. In this case it’s 452 and 412 the buildings. In contrast to 412, 452 is like stepping back in time to High School. It’s insane.

Also amusing. See, because of my fast approaching departure, I’m in the unique position of really not giving a damn any more and not really caring that I feel that way. To watch and witness the yelling and screaming (both physically and metaphorically) of others and their plight to keep things as they always have been, I’m in a position where I am able to see the changes happening and the direction they are going in.

This leads me into NaNoWriMo and my thoughts about that. I mean I have this creepy little dark person which has no cause or worth or rhyme or reason. At the moment I feel like I am looking at the world through some sort of special window. Like I can see things coming. And I’m wondering how I can use that. I’m also wondering how I’ll hit my word count this year! I’m also hoping to go to a few of the social events to meet a few more NaNo people. Not sure how successful that attempt will be, but the want and meaning is there.

Friday night I have Region Dinner. I’m both looking forward to it and dreading it. Last year was mighty painful and a little dull. I remember Region Dinners and Breakfasts of years past that were full of laughter and talk and friendship. Now days it seems like there are teams and sides and it’s all about politics. The friendliness has gone. While I’m wishing I could just stay home and relax, I know I’m sort of expected to go because this indeed will be the last Region event I will go to. I don’t know, it’s just sort of hard to feel enthusiastic about it.

Here Comes NaNo!

I have to admit to being slightly excited about NaNoWriMo this year. I mean there is all the normal excitement there as well, but also the sense of challenge I'm now putting myself towards because there is going to be a hell of a lot going on.

Other than my somewhat dark character making it'self know (genderless at this point) I don't seem to have a whole lot to work with. However, last year Cassandra in my piece In A Heartbeat, did exactly the same thing so I feel like it's okay not to be concerned. Still, I'd like to have a title before I start this year. Or at least one that sticks.

We'll see how it goes. Just 14 days to go!

Put Put

Just pottering along the road to a Nervous Breakdown. Okay, so its not that serious really. But I am feeling frazzled. The final strawer came when my car broke down just outside Port Campbell at like 8pm at night, again 20km later and having a tow truck arrive at 10:30pm. While in hindsight it certainly was an adventure, it was the last thing I needed. Three and a bit ours home in a tow truck is not fun let me tell you. However, finally, four days later, I'm gearing up to pick up my little baby this evening after work. Yay!

There is a lot going on. That's obvious. Slowly but surely I'm becoming more aware of things I will miss. Singing taps with the girls at Guides on Monday night had me kinda choking up. Though we have established the emotions are kind of frayed at the moment.

Working at E-Crime still kinda sucks, however in my moments of spare time have managed to possibly find a wedding reception venue, found a good price on a flight (just need to book it) and even found a shipping company which actually has a special on at the moment for shipping to the UK. Some things are looking rosy which is nice.

KOB is a nightmare in lots of ways. Had to cancel a show because of car issues and I'm now starting to fret that no one is coming to the training next weekend and as a result of that, I've not a clue who I am going to hand over the puppets to. Give me strength.

There are good things though, let me reassure you. The weather is getting nicer, I'm getting excited about my multiple trips in the US, plus Erin and I celebrated three years together back on the 14th. And alas, on the far horizon, there is a slight glimmer of hope for a third X-files movie, oh how wonderful that will be!! Argh! AND Gillian Anderson will be ina play next May in London and I am so there! Woohoo!!

Bizzard, Very, Very Bizzard

How so? Simply I couldn't think of a title to "blog about' so I just thought of any word and that's the one that came to mine, thanks Pen. Lol. To be honest I don't really have a lot to purposefully say, I just sort of want to ramble and I don't know why. This is why after a while a physical journal fails to work for me. I can type much quicker than I can write and I always feel to use the ink and the paper, I should write something worth saying. Not that I am saying what I have to say isn't worth saying. It's just well, not quite.

Thankfully it's Friday. The thoughts in my head right now are whining. Its only been a week, it terrifying to think I still have three more to go. My mind is also sort of all over the place about a lot of things. Time is ticking by. I think I could be talking in about ten different directions if I were verbalising all of this.

You see, recently I came off my anti-depressant. Which isn't a big issue, it was half a tablet and working on methods to balance my moods. It took a long time to be able to admit that I took them and a long time for me to understand depression itself. First of all that there are varying degrees and ways in which is can impact on a person's life. I for one have been better off for the knowledge I gained and the help that half a little white pill has given me.

However, I don't want to be popping pills the rest of my life regardless of how small it is! The thing I actually wanted to say was that I was so sure I could handle things on my own, and frankly I am. Its just I notice the different in how I handle things. Its a this point that I bring those methods of control into play, those coping mechanisms. Its actually quite nice to be able to take control. But in coming off that little while pill, I'm actually aware of just how much of a difference it made. So it's really kind of fascinating really. Okay, maybe that's a little twisted for some of you. But human behaviour is exactly that!

I'm trying to figure out how to explain it. Okay, think radios. You have an old style manual tuning radio. You get fed up with it. So you upgrade to a new, auto tuning one. Perfect. Clears the static, makes life easier. But after a while you come to understand that you would always tune the old manual one, you just lost touch. So you go back to it. Takes a while to clear the static away, but you certainly can do it.

I think that's the best I can do.

Moving on, aside from the above which I had not an intention of talking about, life is busy. I'm in a temp role in another building which I'd rather be doing without, but oh wells. Guides is keeping me busy. The unit is growing nicely. International is sort of pushed to the side at the moment because Kids on the Block has sort of taken precedent considering the time frame I'm now on to have a hand over. We also have a training day coming up. The gym has fallen by the wayside to make room for Nancy's visit and preparing for the onset of moving. Once she leaves it's all systems go for packing up the house. Or beginning to. Then there are trying to pin down some plans for the wedding. Good grief!

My brother has moved back to Melbourne and is living with mum. I'm not sure what to feel about that and I'm not so sure it was a wise move. However, I could be proven wrong. I just hope it all works out for him is all. He's a good kid. Well, young man now I suppose!

Of late I've been thinking about the person I was and the person I am and the person I am aiming to become. There's always room for growing. But its kind of hard when two of those three merge into being. There are patterns of the old Rachael starting to return. Starting to panic and be scared. Starting to want things that I cannot have. Worst of all, starting to question everything that is.

Just another day in the life of Rachael! Man, one day I'm gonna write a book about it all.

Just 21 days until NaNoWriMo 2008 begins. Bring it on!

Monday It is (ITIS!!!)

You know I really do not want to be here. But not in the usual way. Right now I'd be more than happy to be at my desk back at 412. I'm left wondering if I'll be able to hack the slowness of this place. There is like, nothing to do. Seriously. I'm at the mercy of updating the admin folder and I can tell you now I am ever so glad that I dragged it along to work on, Oh my GOSH!!

The weekend was nice. Not long enough as always and having daylight savings start didn't really help. However, found a house I really, really like! Not that I'm looking for a house at the moment. Its just that Nancy wanted to go and see some display homes so I took her out to Caroline Springs while Erin was at work. Anyways, found a home by Porter Davis that I liked a lot. More than any of the others there and we looked at like 16 or some crazy number like that! Anyways, it struck me how modern and ugly homes have become these days. That and how huge they are. I mean seriously, do people really need that much space to live in? And come on, there was like at least three lounge/living areas in each!! Darn scary it was.

Friday I bought myself a journal. I assumed that soon enough I'll need it and there's not always a chance I'll get to my blog. That and not everything I think or feel should be expressed in such a public place. Some things I do wish to remain entirely my own thoughts.

My other excitement/time taker-upper which will start soon is NaNoWriMo, no longer am I a virgin! Phew! I think it's going to be a crazy month and initially I'd hoped to blow 50,000 to high heaven, however in reality I'll be happy enough just to hit 50,000 in the first place!! So far no major ideas have made themselves known. I'm not too concerned yet as I came up with In A Heartbeat just days before it started. This year all I have is a genderless person in a dark room who seems to pick at their skin a lot. Kinda nasty if you ask me. Ewww.

Suddenly its October!

There's an obvious opening. Just in case you'd not noticed the date at the start of this post. A lot of things are going on in my mind at the moment. Some good, some bad and some pretty neutral. Which is always a good thing.

It's now two months and four days until I leave Australia. It all sounds so final. For a time I was okay with that and I still am, it just feels like all of a sudden it's become even more final. I'm not sure it's a feeling I can put into words. But its more looming now. There's lots to do, but lots to not do because I have to wait for things to be done!!

Nancy arrived well and safe, and with her came the return of the Erin I've tried so hard to live without. That sounds horrid, it's not meant to be. But Erin can be very childlike at times, and being around her mother brings that out in her. There are moments where I just want to scream "For God's Sake she's 23 years old not 10!!". But alas I cannot. Simply because they have a somewhat unique relationship to any I have with anyone else. So it has been trying at times. Aside from that, we've had a pretty full on time. There was an evening along Southbank, then there was the Royal Melbourne Show and then an AFL Grand Final BBQ in a real life aussie back yard, and then we hit the road for four days to go up to Canberra. We had some simply stunning weather I have to admit.

What struck me driving along the road was a sense of self, but not centred on me, rather on Australia. There is something nice about driving along for hours on end on a straight road with lots of "Australian-ness" around you. Its hard to explain. The landscape is amazing and somewhat unique to anything I've seen before. A part of me would like to one day take the time to drive around Australia, armed with nothing more than clothes, food and a camera. I think it would be kind of cool. I guess I developed an appreciation of the place. And laughed at a few names along the way.

I've started working at e-Crime for a month, something that was pushed onto me with short notice (in true Vic Pol style) and while its slow and boring and different, and despite the fact poor Jade is left holding the fort at DTF and CLS, I can't help but want to be back there. Back at my desk, doing my work and being around things I know. It's rather odd here. I'd like to note that for amusement factor, I've discovered the mess room has bookshelves in there with all sorts of books on computers and their programs. It's amusing, I'm at Geek central and these guys seem to pretty proud of that. I feel out of my depth. I felt stupid asking how to turn the computer on this morning because it wouldn't work for me!! Alas, most normal users would have had an issue too. So I don't feel too bad.

Oi, give me strength!

Friday

Just to point out the obvious, you know. As I'm good at that. Thankfully it's the end of the week. Just a half day at work followed by a 3 hour International meeting. Then interviews for International tomorrow then a puppet show in the evening in Ballarat, cleaning on Sunday, Nancy arrives Monday!! It's gonna be busy. Crazy busy. But good. Hopefully.

Have been updating my Pax Blog, the one I am posting up old e-mails. Its pretty hard to figure out what to put and when and what to leave out. I mean there are some parts of e-mails which should remain unsaid and only known between sender and recipient. But I find it interesting to see what was going through my mind. Hilarious even.

I'm bored. I think I should do some work! What there is of it.

Tuesday Child . . . was it full of Grace?

Just for something different I thought I would write when I had nothing to complain about. Well I am sure if I really think about it I could complain. But generally speaking I'm feeling upbeat which certainly is a turn up for the books. I think that its got a lot to do with Fluid Retention. Okay so that's something maybe you didn't need to know about, but I went and got some pills to help it because I was finding my hands were swelling up something shocking and I was getting tummy cramps and yeah . . . anyways, I think it's working. I even feel up to going and doing the stairs again. Though admittedly I did not do all 12 floors today, just 8 of them. Phew!

Nancy arrive in less than a week, its all very exciting! There is lots going on and lots to show her and lots to get her to taste. It'll be really cool. The first week and a bit is pretty busy, in face the times not at work are busy! Fingers crossed this trip (she was last here in August) will have much better weather and if days of late are anything to go by, then it should be.

Guides. What can I say about Guides? It tired me out last night. Really, it did. Made me feel old. But I suddenly realised I have but 8 nights left. That's it. just 8 nights because there are two weeks of school holidays and a Monday without Guides because of the Melbourne Cup. Wholly crap that's scary. And sad. Because I like the kids, they're great and we've just got an influx of new girls and it's brought a new life into the group.

Well, I'm out of water and thirsty, so I should go and top up I suppose. Not that I am sure where the nearest water cooler is. The refurb on this floor has sent everything in a million different directions. I could endless complain about that, but I won't. Rather I'll just focus on the fact the floor will be a hell of a lot better at the end of it all!

Wedding Plans

How hard is it to keep people happy?!! Okay, that sounds a lot worse than it actually is. We've been engaged for about a month or so now, maybe more. We've talked about a two week time frame and the city in which we are to wed -or the legal equivalent in London. Beyond that, we know it will be an outdoor evening reception, simple, a little formal, but relaxed.

There will be a legal ceremony, no doubt at a registry office somewhere. There will be food. We even talked about clothing. I do not wish to have a white dress, but I'm not against the idea of a dress. Or a fitted suit. Unsure. I guess that will depend on my body shape as the date draws near!

However, it seems people want more details. More, More, MORE!! Like, what exact date? A definite location. What sort of wedding gifts do we want? What will we need? Oh my gosh!!! People, calm down! I thank you for your enthusiasm I really do, but until I get to London and can figure a few things out, there aren't going to be confirmed details!!

Oh, and we want happy flowers. Oh and not traditional fruit cake with think icing. No thanks!

There isn't even talk of a honeymoon, goodness me! How will we survive! We plan to have invitations, we plan to design our own and have them printed while in the USA over Christmas, New Year and into Feb. That way we can send the same invite to everyone, make it personal and hopefully keep people happy!

I sound so ungrateful. I am not, honest, in fact I'm actually rather flattered that people care so much. Its a new experience, believe me! I just . . . I don't know, I can't give people the answers they want right now and there is no sign of being able to to that any time soon.

Culture, yup that's what its about!

The weekend has made me think about a few things. One of my issues comes down to culture. For the longest time I felt like I was being a snob. Like I felt so much better than everyone else and I hated that feeling. The Australian Culture has a core of mateship. Yes, I love that. But coating that core is the layer which creates the unspoken law that to go out and have a good time, you need to go to a pub and get pissed. That I do not like. Its all about pubs and clubs. About how much you can drink and who you can snog.

I hate it. I want so much more than that, but the quest to find it has become futile. The few friends I did have who were not into that, have vanished off into their own lives. I almost feel like a stranded island. I understand so much more now why I found it hard to make friends in high school. Like good friends. Genuine friends. Friends with whom you say more than a passing hello to. You know their life. They know yours, and yet its not invasive. For the longest time I thought I had that, I thought I was as happy as I could be. But soon I saw different.

People ask me why I am leaving Australia? Why leave behind an awesome country? Deep down I don't feel that it is all that awesome. And perhaps it comes down to culture. The Australian Culture is not my culture. Its not what I want. Its not who I am. I don't want to settle for boganism. I want to pronounce words correctly, not be excited by the fact that Kmart and Safeway are in multiple states. I don't want a life that's about drinking on a Friday night, about being plastered or paralytic.

I am only partly Australian. Some things I am proud of, others I am not.

Spring

At last it is here! Not that it much matters really. As I sit here at my desk, the most I can still see are walls and desks and doors. I suppose it means I can let my imagination run a little wild and now picture sunlight outside. Which makes a nice change.

The refurb has started at work. I feel like there are people everywhere. Boxes in places that they shouldn't be, items that should be somewhere, but aren't. Trolleys and walls and dust and thuds and noise. I am sure once it is all done and completed it'll look nice. In the interum, it means we get to see the change over as it occurs. Or something like that. All I know is that its going to be bloody insane while this all goes on. Goodness me.

Its moments like this I am glad of the little SOAR reunion on Friday. Yep five nights in Sydney to catch up with Lauren, Carolyn and Kacey. It's gonna be good fun! It's been seven years since SOAR and lots has been going on and changed and yeah, it'll be good. I actually need to figure out how I will get out to the hotel, and I also need to call Kacey. I need to make a list!

OMG!!! OCD! OCD!! Quick, where is the CPS group?!

Blah

Is how I feel right now. Starting day 5 of being completely out of action with something that started as a sinus infection which I now think has become a chest infection. It's horrible. When I breathe I sound like a old person with emphasaemia. It's just horrid. I feel like crap. Pretty much, that's it. Crap. Arghh!! I'm supposed to be going to Sydney on Friday. I have to get better!!

It's now official. There are less than 100 days left until we leave Australia. Its rather exciting. We're getting our plans together for three months in the US, mainly the big road trip from LA to Richmond, KY. It's all rather exciting. I then need to start getting things together to start applying for jobs in London. I estimate the Pax OA position comes up in March assuming the person in the current role doesn't stay on. I'd like to apply for that. But I also want to apply for Scotland Yard or The Met in an admin role. Ideally Pax would work. It would give me 12 months of income without to much out going costs which certainly is a very good thing! Alas in saying that, I don't just assume I would get it. Because I know it's a big world out there.

But yes, things are happening.

Today being the 1st of September I should be starting Spring into Summer at the gym. Somehow I can't see that taking off at great speed for me right now!! Not the way I feel. . .

Resignation

That's it! I did! It's done!! The letter of Resignation from Victoria Police is now handed in and making it's way through the chair of command like a row of dominoes falling one by one. Okay, perhaps not that drastic and not that amusing. Still, it's moving. I cannot tell you how nice yet weird this feeling is. It's going to end! Oh joy! I'll leave this work place's woes for that of another, but there will be a three month holiday in there! Woot Woot! However, it also makes things a lot more final. I've got just over three months to get finances in line, book a ticket, find a mover, sort out my last week (this will be vital to helping things run smooth) and a whole bunch of other things that right now are just clogging up the thought processed.

And I still want to do NaNoWriMo in there?! I keep telling myself it'll be a good focus, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just being insane!

I was talking to a good, old, almost lost friend. It's complicated. There is a history there. Good and bad and some self inflicted and some not. Anyways, we were talking about marriage (which I am embarking on, oh my gosh!) and kids and a few other serious things as one does when one reaches their mid 20's. And well, I want to go back to the kids idea and pose a question:

Does it really matter if there parents of each gender, parents of one gender or simply one parent?

Many years ago, the belief was that stable kids came from a stable home life with mum and dad. However, society has changed so much, the structure of family has changed so much that perhaps that ideal family isn't so much needed any more. A lot of people will argue that kids screwed up the most have come from split families or families of same gender persons in the parental role.

Having come from a split family myself, having known people who have had same gender parents and knowing people from that ideal family, I'd have to say that the most screwed up tend to be from the ideal family! I turned out quite well! And I mean, I dunno, would the concept of same gender parents be a problem? I mean as long as the child is loved and can source either female or male role models from other places (ie aunts. uncles, family friends etc) . . . I just, I can't personally see what the big deal is. I know people who would kill for a loving family, to have been better looked after as a child . . . and I know people who were given everything they could have wanted from that "ideal family" yet have turned out to be the most horrid and selfish people I know. So what gives?

That's my rant for the moment. And even then it's not a rant. Just a thought process I guess. Not that I am having kids any time soon either! Don't go getting the wrong idea! It was just something to think about that's all.

Oi -back to work. Back to archiving. Back to the cave.

Reflection

Canberra was cold. But then, that's Canberra! It even snowed which I have to admit I was pretty impressed by. It was a weekend of spending money, alcohol, drugs, sleeping, eating and driving. Well for most anyways! I was minus a few of those things (mainly drugs I might proudly add). What I did realise though is that I'm very happy with my life. I may lead a simple one and not party a lot nor have the best or first of everything, but I am happy. I am not trying to replace being lonely with monetary items.

Now I am back at work, back to the slog. Thats okay. I keep telling myself there are merely months to go and that's that. Being the start of August means no greencard, but also means plans are now conrete to go ahead and move to London. Which is exciting, I have to admit. Plus there is a wedding to plan for (as big or as small as we wish!) and well, just general excitement about being back in that part of the world.

Before then, Nancy will come. Before that I will be in Sydney for the mini SOAR reunion. And before that, I'll be in Bendigo for Zoe's wedding party. It's all happening, I tell you!

Seriousness

I looked at myself this morning before leaving for work and found myself looking at someone I didn't know. Not because I was a stranger and doing things I never thought were a part of my personality, but rather because I genuinely feel happy. I'm at a place I didn't see myself being at, certainly not now.

Erin and I are engaged. We will marry in the English summer of 2009 in London. There are still lots of plans to make, but most of those will have to wait until February or March to begin to be looked at. Its rather exciting I have to admit. I smile lots and people are very happy. Well, most anyways. I feel the people located furthest from me aer most happiest. I don't know, maybe I'd lost touch with life here a lot more than I thought I had. Not that it concerns me any, I'll be leaving soon and I have to tell you that's pretty awesome.

I'm highly surprised August is here. I'm not sure what happened to July. I know it felt like Maggie was here fleetingly (it was a whole month!) and I know that XF2 was released . . . but it can't be August all ready, can it? I mean winter will be over before you know it. Soon, Nancy will be here. Soon we will move. Soon I will leave for good. All in the space of months. In four months in fact. Four months and two days to be exact. And if July went by so quickly, well you get my drift.

Comfy Viewing

Have you ever been to see a movie in Gold Class? I now have! And talk about nice! Oh man! Nice, big reclining chairs which are big and puffy and comfy. And then the food. And the coffee which comes out towards the end of the movie . . . oh man!! I went for a second viewing of I Want To Believe last night and much enjoyed it. Because of the comfort but also because this time round I wasn't all hyped up and was able to focus a little more. Which was nice because I got to see all the things I missed the first time round.

All ready there is speculation for a third movie. Who knows, maybe that time round I'll be in London for the premier :-)

Maggie goes home tomorrow. I can't believe it! How fast has this month gone? Its almost like since we went up to Sydney that time has zoomed and now it's like almost all over. Insane! Its going to be weird not having her around, but nice as well. Not that's its been horrible having her here, not at all! But I guess having someone around makes you realise how much of a routine you have. And I was always bought up to believe you look after you guest as best as possible. So it's almost like a month of being on duty even though that wasn't expected of me! It's just a programmed thing I have happening!

The big news is that Sally has decided to quit from Pax Lodge. I have to admit, I saw it coming, just not so suddenly that's all. Should I go back and work there next year it will be just Grace and Heather there that I will know. Which is good because I really want to go back with a different perscpective in mind. I will approach it much differently and look forward to meeting a whole bunch of new people too. Anyways, that's all dependant on the "if" factor.

This weekend will be screening number 3 of IWTB and the weekend after that will be House Warming weeking with Lou up in Canberra! Yay!

Work to Rest

Its been a pretty full on weekend, some 10 hours of driving or perhaps even more! This is Maggie's las weekend in Australia so we jumped in the car on Saturday Morning and drove the length of the Great Ocean Road to the 12 Apostles. Then all the way back. It was pretty good and for the most part we were really lucky with the rain, it only seemed to pour down on the times we were driving between stops. What more could you ask for?!

On Sunday we decided to go down to Phillip Island and said the Penguin Parade which was pretty awesome. Kinda cold and not as many penguins as there is in the summer, but great none the less. I got a pal for Squeak, Squee is his name and he is very cute.

I'm trying to decide if I want to start putting up photos with my posts. Like one photo a post or something. I'm not sure, but maybe make a habit of it more so than not? Something additional to do I suppose, and sometimes a scene is easier to express in visuals rather than words.

Something is up with my body at the moment. Its just not happy about anything.

I Want To Believe -and Have!

So I had intended to write yesterday in the lead up to, the big anticipation of finally going to see XF2. It just didn't happen. For a few reasons, one was that I was jumpy and all over the place and the day simply didn't go quick enough. And also because I had work to do. And I may have had a glance at the LA Premier online for a while . . .

. . . Alas all has been revealed! Sort of. In true X-Files tradition there are questions left unanswered, but not as many as their could have been. Overall the movie has sort of left me half half in the sense that I wasn't expecting what I saw. It was both reassuring and different. Like going home to family and friends after a long time away. It was odd. But all very good!

It was nice to see that the corny humour and one liners were still around, still nice to see old faces and also quite nice to have Mark Snow back creating that creepy kinda atmosphere. For the most part its what long time fans wanted, but also a new spin on things, just enough to pull in a new fan base some 10 years since the show started. It may even be more now, who knows.

However, what I wasn't expect was such a strong story line on the whole priest pedophile thing. Is it any wonder the movie has had like no PR in the lead up to the release, especially since Worth Youth Day was last week and that very subject was one discussed with the Pope.

My overall rating. I'd say about a 9 or a 9.5 out of 10. It's nice to have fresh material, even if it isn't new ground :-) And yay for the shippy moments too!

Being Back

Talk about difference in weather. Sydney was glorious. Melbroune is drab. Ha! But it is nice to be "home" as such, be back in my own house with my own bed and my own things and my own shower, toilet, kitchen and my car! Oh how I missed and worried about my car! Alas, I was quite happy when I get back to the airport carpark and found her still sitting there. December will be gut wrenching for me!

So. Sydney. We saw lots, ate lots and saw lots and lots and lots of people! Oh we even took a day trip out to the Blue Mountains which was better than I feared, though the driver left a lot to be desired for. Not that his driving was bad, rather I just wish he hadn't spoke so much and tried not to be so "Okka Aussie". Drove me mad after a while. Very soon. The highlight of that day was the evening. We missed the ferry we were supposed to get, however, it got us back into the Harbour after dark and it was so totally worth it! It was stunning to see the city all lit up and go under the bridge and yeah, awesome.

Now it's back to the real world. Back to work and guides and laundry and bills. Sighs. Oh wells, as Ned Kelly said, Such is Life, or at least I think it was he who said it. . .

World Youth Day

Oh my gosh, it's so insane! I'm in Sydney at the moment with Erin and Maggie playing tourists. And well on my part the planning was bad. There are people all over the place. Seriously. Packed. But for their luck and ours, the weather has been simply glorious, in fact, I even caught a little sun today.

We went all around the place. First to the Opera House, then walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge. From there was a ferry from the North Shore round to Darling harbour for lunch, then on the Monorail to Hyde Park, the Australia Musuem and then back to where we are staying for yet another night in. That's going to do my head in. In saying that, it's been fun.

Fickle -The Word of the Day

I've decided if I were to turn into a word, it would be Fickle because right now that's what I feel surging through my body. Fickle. Or Fickleness, if that's even a word. Lots is Fickle right now. Lots is changing which makes things even more Fickle. Or it feels like lots is changing, thus I guess lots will become Fickle. I highly doubt that is making any sense to anyone other than myself and even then I'm not sure that it makes sense, as such.

Let's start over.

I'm in an odd mood today. Or was. Then I just got really made again, and decided I'm back to really badly wanting to quit my job. I really badly can feel that I'm now no longer getting anything out of this and am feeling of no use to anyone. More than anything I am so over being treated like a piece of poop and being on the receiving end of frustrations simply because I am the lowly admin person. My new side kick seemed as appalled as I was about it. I told her it's all a part of our role. Not to take those things personally, even if they are point blankly directed at us. Needless to say she's said no more about the matter. I so hate this job. I really do.

Relationships are also a fickle thing. Friendships, romances, accquaintances. I'm telling I feel like Bass Straight has suddenly overflowed and is whole heartedly intending to drown me. Gosh darn it! I want life to be simple again!

Maggie is over at the moment so we've been busy playing host, working, guiding gyming and just trying to sleep every once in a while. Having a guest in the house suddenly points out just how routine and home body like we are. In saying that, I don't imply we are a pair of recluses. Just set in our ways that's all. And it's really sort of boring to an outside person no doubt!

I just . . . I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own life. It's almost like I leap out of my body and suddenly find myself questioning if this is who I am and if I'm leading my life in the right direction. I should imagine a lot of people find themselves asking the same thing. But still, it doesn't make the though any less alarming. I assumed I was doing what I wanted to do. Though right now I feel like I am stuck in a bogg, can see the distant shore but also know I am getting no closer to it. What the hell is that about?!

There is a nice new shining ring on my finger. It's a rather odd thing to wear. I don't say that in a bad way. But it feels different to how I thought it would feel, not that I could describe how I thought it would feel in the first place. Not that I've ever thought of straying, I have very stong feelings about that. But it's almost like now I totally can't. Not that I want to! It's odd. I am looking at things in a very odd way today. Maybe there was something in my tea. Or maybe it was the stale cornflakes, I do not know.

Have to admit I am both excited about and dreading the arrival of Thursday. Sydney. Normally it would be fine, but the more and more I read about World Youth Day, the more nervous I become. I can't believe of all weekends I choose for us to fly up there, that's the one. Good grief.

Mmmm Ice -Cream

I totally want ice-cream right now! I think some real good, rich chocolate would do the trick!

It's been a busy few days. Maggie has arrived, I've eaten out like a heap of times (tends to be that case around birthdays) and well, there's work and we're a KOB show tomorrow and it's all just sort of crazy. But not totally crazy. I've also been trying to cram in the gym which has fallen by the way side in rescent times which is a bad thing.

Winter is in full force in Melbourne now. Shouldn't have expected much less really, but its cold and blustery and rainy and the fog has been quite hilarious in some respects because its been hiding a lot of the buildings in the city.

It's just over a week before XF2 premiers. Totally pumped for that! I tried to win a midnight screening tickets but failed dismally. So I'll head out to see it on the 24th like everyone else. But it's almost here!!

Yummy Morning

Happy Birthday to me!!

Have you ever noticed how much better a Grande Caramel Macchiato and chocolate crossant taste on your special day?? I have, yum yum!

I have the Wicked soundtrack, it's so brilliant and all I've been singing of late.

July beings the mid 20s

First and most pertanent of questions floats from your mouth. How was the Opera? Well let me put it this way. I left after the first act. About 45 minutes in and I'd had enough so I bid farewell to Erin and Maggie and left for the freedom of the street. Goodness me! Remind me never to try attempt Opera again. I'm sure it's only really mild and I'm sure that the show maybe got better, but I can't deal with people singing at me like that! And no it's not like a musical! Those are fun! Those you can understand, those don't recite the same lines over and over again! But in saying that, it was an experience and I can now say I've seen live Opera, even if it is only a little bit.

This week brings me face to face with an age crisis. I'm entering my mid 20s. I'm leaving my early 20s behind (which have been really great years I might add) and am entering the settling phase of my life. Apparently. Anyways, it promises to be a busy week with dinner and gym and guides and sight seeing and yeah, busy. I don't feel like it's near my birthday in the same way I usually do. Maybe that's a side effect of getting older. Who knows. Not that I am ancient yet mind you.

I Want To Believe premiers so very soon! In like 17 days! It's rather exciting I have to admit, I'm very much looking forward to seeing it. Which reminds me, I really need to go put Triple M on to listen, they're giving away preview tickets for a midnight screening. Must go!

Mixed Emotions

They're such complicated things, emotions. You can feel any number of them at once and it's like different parts of you are split into different segments and are arguing with themselves. I guess that's what it feels like to have multiple personalities, only I'm not sure the person is aware that they have multiple personalities.

Anyways, here's a run down of it all. Firstly, and foremost, I'm excited. Maggie arrives tomorrow morning. July has arrived ever so quickly! So there will be lots to do and see and Erin will be very happy for some time because she'll have a little slice of home here and I know its going to make her smile unlike she's smiled in a long time. But on the flip side to that, I know that when Maggie goes she's going to be all sad and depressed and really homesick. So that in turn makes me feel bad. It's such a bittersweet situation.

Next in line comes guilt. And well, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because we're have the first screw up of KOB shows and even though its not my fault, I still feel bad. Way back in May for the Guides Vic AGM we talked to a group of people about coming and performing for what I assuming is like a school holiday program, but only for a day. Because it was a work day, it would require us taking time off work. At that stage they were unsure if we were going to be suited. We were told they'd get back to us and let us know and I remember saying let us know ASAP so that we can arrange to get that day off work. Handed over some flyers and left it at that. Monday I get a phone call making sure we're still able to come on next Tuesday. Well of course I freak out over that, said that we had never confirmed that date and the caller said we had. I told them I'd see what I could do. So bottom line is we can't do that date as Erin can't get the day off work. She also agrees that we never confirmed the date and that someone was going to call us about it. So yeah, I feel bad about the whole thing because they now need to scramble to find something to fill in that time, but on the same token I know it's not my fault. Though I do feel bad. That's just me.

I'm also feeling a little guilty about moving OS. Not for anyone here, rather for Erin. Its going to mean that for a while we may have to have some time apart again. I'm not happy with that arrangement and neither is she, but there's not a lot we can do about it. She's just so scared about it and I think I'm mentally starting (even now) to prepare myself for that parting again, but she refuses point blank to even think about it. But knowing the sort of planning involved in this, it's something we need to think about now to make preparations. It's so hard.

Then comes the exhaustion. I do simply just feel tired all the time. Like I"m constantly on the go. Work is busy. Guides seems to be becoming more and more a burden and Kids on the Block is sort of stagnent in a busy kind of way. I'm trying to cram the gym in there, and when I don't get there, feel guitly about that as well.

Stressing about money. About family. About friends. About the future.

Classic candidate for a nervous breakdown, what do you think?! Lol, it's not that bad, its really just a whole bunch of stuff having a party in my head. It just all gets a bit too much sometimes and I can't turn the music down. I'm sure it'll all pan out fine.

The Marriage of Figaro is on Saturday night. I've never been to Opera before. Gosh I hope I like it!

A WICKED Night

Finally the night to see Wicked arrived! And oh my GOSH!! It was totally wonderful and beat the expectations I had for it, simply it blew me away and soooo worth the wait.

It was a nice night, Dinner at Wagamamas, then a stop for Trampoline ice-cream (ohhh so yummy) then a cup of Starbucks and then to the theatre. I've never been to Regents Theatre before and inside was simply beautiful, such detail and grace and just -wow. Anyways, I wanted an Ozmopolitan (basically a green cocktail and in a green glowing glass, very cool!) but waited until interval because Erin said I should. So I did. But I was very excitable.

Bought a copy of the Programme and was happily reading away and I discovered that the Lead for Elphaba was actually one of the original cast members for We Will Rock You in London, how awesome is that?!! Anyways, we ended up with the understudy for Elphaba as I guess the first night would have been the lead. Anyways, she was brilliant. Just incredible and talented and amazing. The whole cast was. The whole show was.

Better still for the most part if kept relatively close to the book which is great. Yeah, wow, fantastic, so worth waiting like nearly two years to see it. In addition to that, I came to realise just how much I miss going to the Theatre. I really do. It almost reduced me to tears. Its an incredible thing. I miss Theatre, and I miss going often, but its just so expensive here!

Road Trippin

I'm reading a book at the moment by Bill Bryson and it's called The Lost Continent. Basically its about his experiences road tripping across America. Having done a good deal of this myself, I can actually relate to a lot of what he writes. Its all quite humerous! However, the point I wanted to make was that America really is quite a diverse place and the country changes ever so quickly from state to state. I mean we're talking a matter of miles here. You can cross the boarder into a neighbouring state and it's like being in a brand new country. People change, buildings, roads, foods it's really incredible.

If any one of you reading this are thinking about going to America for a holiday, seriously, drive it. Okay you may not fit in many major cities if you're going East to West or West to East, but even then I suppose you won't catch that many going North to South or South to North... point being that you can really see what small town America is like. I've loved it and am looking forward to the next one in December. This one will start in Los Angeles, California and take me to Richmond, Kentucky, going via Vagas, El Paso, Dallas, Atlanta and so on and so forth. We're going across the South and I have to admit I'm really excited about it! Of course there will be Disneyland at the start of it (who can't get excited about that).

Yay!