Relationships

Its become increasingly aware to me that I have a growing number of friends who are unhappy in their relationships. Surprisingly to them, its because there is some sort of unequal meeting of minds. I've always counted myself lucky to have found Erin. More so recently, when things have been harder and more adult like to deal with. Right from the word go we promised each other that we were not going to become people who morph into a couple and lose sight of who we are as individuals.

I'm happy to report that six and a half years later we're still true to that. And frankly that's fine by me! While we do complete each other, we do not occupy each other. I have my friends, she has hers and then we have friends which are shared. That's not to say we don't mingle, I know her friends and she knows mine, but we both value and respect the fact that we both have different needs from our friends. They represent elements our personalities need which are lacking in each other. I think that's healthy. I mean I wouldn't want to be the sole supplier of Erin's social happiness, it would be somewhat draining! I expect she feels the same.

What I love most about us that while we have dreams and goals as a couple, we still have dreams and goals as individuals and respect each other for that. We don't stand in the way, we support where we can and while we might not understand the need or why, we understand that its important to who we are and that's what matters. We compromise a little, but not at the expense of losing who we are. After all, its being ourselves that we both fell in love with some time ago. Fundamentally I'd never want Erin to change who she is, yes she's a book loving nerd who enjoys sci-fi and classic stories and a thirst for academic knowledge. But I fell in love with that, I'd never want it to change.

Relationships are complicated at the best of times, be it with friends, colleagues or random people we need to deal with at dentists or doctors or even on the train. Despite these complexities, we need them. But for me what I need more is someone who, at the end of the day, will love me no matter what. For who and what I am. And for what I dream about at night.

Pointless

And indeed it is. I've reached a point where life seems pointless. Now don't panic, I'm not down and out nor am I ready to end it all. More of I just seem to get up, go to work, come home, eat and go to bed. That has become the pattern of my life and I never thought it would come to that. Not that I'm a social butterfly and want to be out every night, but I feel like I am stuck in the routine and rut that is my existance.

My job is a job, thought much better than my last job in that I at least feel like I'm helping with something, making a small difference in the world. But still it is not completely satisfying. Erin tells me I give to much and am easily taken advantage of.

Clearly its not working.

So some years ago I decided that a blog was the way to go. As I've mentioned a few times this only works as well as the effort to keep it up. Can you believe I last wrote in July 2011? I totally can if I am honest. My lapse of time hasn't gone unnoticed. They say you shouldn't mark time, but its hard not to when you realise life is leaping from one event to another.