Wherever We Wander, Wherever We Roam . . .

I've been asked a few times in the past weeks about how it feels to be back at Pax Lodge again. For the most part there has been mixed feelings. Things have changed and yet some things have not. There are things I see or hear which make me stop and pause and wonder what the response would have been in my time as a volunteer. Its only natural, I am sure all those who return do exactly the same thing.

To be back has been a new experience for me. Third time returning to Pax and each time has been different. My first time was back on the cusp of adulthood. I'd just turned 18, was in my final months of high school and at a very complex stage of my life. Indeed one of many! I don't remember too much, only that the house tour we took was given by our own London Guide from Birmingham, Ruth. I remember it being a very moving time for my other traveling companions, and perhaps I cried too. I'm not sure. I know a part of me walked away that day feeling that the experience was not as moving as I had expected it to be. At that point, I really didn't believe I'd come back.

Experience number two spanned 14 months of my life, at yet another complex point in time. Many of the people who will read this were a part of that experience. It really was life changing in so many ways. Beyond what mere words could ever help me to express. I grew and learned and experiences, and most of all lived and felt alive. The one thing I do know is that it was unique to me and while some common factors will be shared between those who were there with me, there were personal journeys which no one will ever fully understand or relate to.

Then there is now. The Long Term Resident. Sort of an outsider, but closer to the experience than a guest would be. Generally speaking of course. Its such an interesting role to find myself in. I observe, as I always do, and think about what things the current staff and volunteers will learn and experience about and for themselves.

This evening there were welcome ceremonies and leaving ceremonies. These are somewhat personal moments which will shape how the new arrivals will view there new friends, and how those leaving will be forever engraved into the history of the building. To become another face, or memory or legend that will be mentioned in the years to come, if not by name, but by reputation. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a stranger walk through the door in those moments, wondered what they would think or feel or turn away running from.

I firmly believe that in the atmosphere remains a part of every staff member and volunteer. When a candle is lit, and the lights go down, somewhere in the glowing aura of the flame lingers a special vibe. Its in that swaying light where you can be witness to world peace. To the coming together of different races, cultures and personalities. There is something magical about hearing a Guide Promise and Taps being said and sang in a foreign language. Its in those glowing moments that life bonds are forged.

So while things may change or stay unchanged at a visual level, its those small, quiet and personal moments which remain the same. Words might be different, ceremonies may differ from time to time, but right there in that moment, lay an unspoken understanding as to why each person is there and what they hold closest to their hearts. A special moment to which few are privileged to see and feel and hear.

To my Pax Lodge Family of new friends, old friends, mentors, guardians, sisters and life companions, I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and though we may only see each other once a year, once every four years or once every ten years we'll forever be bound by our memories, experiences and friendships. Life may present us with challenge and change, but together, somehow, we'll make it through.

And if all else fails, I'll always meet you there, Where The Rainbow Ends.

Where I am at

Bleh. That's about it really. I've stopped looking at those online symptom websites because in the past ten minutes I've had everything from Strep throat to Scarlet Fever to who knows what else. I think if I'd kept on going, I would have come across a fatal disease. Totally leaving that alone! But yes, I feel crappy. Have been for a few days now, though the past two have been the worst and I am entering day three of Blehville and day two of nasty spots. Hurry up Monday, I want to go to the Doc!

Illness aside, its stunning outside. Spring has come to London and we've had some simply glorious days of sunshine and blue skies. Everything is in flower and green and just happy looking. Its nice. If I have the energy I am thinking of going out into the Heath for a walk. We'll see.

The past week or so has been insanely busy. I've met new friends (Yay for Victoria!) and met up again with old friends (Yay for Saga, Ruth and Doreen!). Eaten at a variety of cheap eats, played games in the Trocadero centre and won me a toy cat, seen movies (Doubt and Revolutionary Road -totally digging cheap cinema). Even scored two free tickets to two shows! In the same day! Woohoo! The first was 'Shout' a small musical set in the swinging 60s which I have to admit was really good! I even knew at least half of the songs, what does that tell you??? And then in the evening went along to St. Stephens (the little run down church on the corner who know the area) to see 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' which was just brilliant! I was a little weary at first, but they did a marvelous job, even managed to scare the crap out of me at one point!

I'm still unemployed. Its been a busy week on that front too. Two jobs, two call back interviews and two times still unemployed. Though to be honest, the first one I turned down because it turned out to be a job standing on the street getting people to donate money. I'm sorry, I really don't want to do that! In an interesting twist of fate, the person I 'interviewed' with on the second day, I ran into her trying to get people to sign up in Leicester Square. Like that wasn't awkward . . . and then the second job was for a company called Perform which I have to admit to being very excited about. Despite my first impressions of it being a performance school in the arts sense, it was actually a performance school, but looking at a child's performance in speaking and expression and developing skills to help them in life. Very similar to Guides in fact. Walked out of the first interview knowing I had a call back, the call back interview I was very unsure about because it didn't go as I was told it would. There was no logic or problem solving test and to date they've not contacted me either via phone or electronically despite being told they would regardless if I got the job or not. So I assume since it starts tomorrow, I didn't get it. I am pretty bummed about that.

However, it's a new week tomorrow and I just need to put my head down, bum up and keep at the job hunting. The right one will turn up I am sure.

Bout time eh?

After much anticipation, my next post is here! Ha! Yeah okay because people have been screaming at me to hear about the life of an unemployed person in London. . .

. . . Gosh how depressing is that? It's true, yes, I'm still unemployed, and yes, I do have somewhere dire moments of down time, but that's to be expected. On the whole, life is kinda grand. Seriously, I live in one of the most animated cities on the planet, what could be so bad?

Indeed the job search has been much more harder than I anticipated. I've been here a month and three days now and with three interviews under my belt and something like 180 job applications lodged, the odds aren't in my favour. However, the feed back I have been getting has been somehow twistedly positive. I'm over qualified. I've made shortlists, but not shortlists of shortlists. So clearly I am employable. For the right role. Which to date hasn't reared it's taunting head.

So to occupy myself in all this free time I have (well outside of applications which believe it or not takes up a big chunk of my day) I've been wandering the city. I've been to see We Will Rock You again (friggin awesome, if not a little different) and been duped by the movie DUPLICiTY. Walked the gardens of St. James Park, Hyde Park, Embankment Gardens and though not a garden, wandered along the Thames Path. Which I might add had me run into filming for a movie called Forget Me Not. The actress looked somewhat familiar to me, but I cannot place her name. I guess we'll see when the movie comes out.

I've had good times with people. We had a surprise celebration party for Heather who has just passed exams and earned her Blue Badge here in London. Which I might add she gets presented with today. I mingled with a great group of kids for an afternoon of fun. I ran into a face from high school which was something nice and unexpected, a great way to spend three hours on a relaxing day. Visited a few local pubs, including one for a trivia night which we won (with little help from me I might add!).

Been to some remarkable places I missed on my previous visits like the Portobello Road Markets on a Saturday morning (utter chaos I might add!), wandered the rooms of The National Gallery, visited the BFI building on the Thames and even took a trip out to Old Street to see Jamie Oliver's famous Fifteen eatery. Needless to say on my current budget I could not eat there, but I certainly plan to in the future :-)

Overall its lots of little things that have occupied my time. The weekend before the G20 summit there was a PPF march (Put People First) which found me sitting on the base of Nelson's Column (that's somewhat crude in some minds no doubt) for two hours watching the march go by and look enviously at other photographers cameras. Sometimes it takes being somewhere quite randomly to find something to amuse you. I have to admit, that's one of the things I love about London. Somewhere, somehow, there is always something happening.

*sighs* Jeff Dunham is in London tonight . . .