A WICKED Night

Finally the night to see Wicked arrived! And oh my GOSH!! It was totally wonderful and beat the expectations I had for it, simply it blew me away and soooo worth the wait.

It was a nice night, Dinner at Wagamamas, then a stop for Trampoline ice-cream (ohhh so yummy) then a cup of Starbucks and then to the theatre. I've never been to Regents Theatre before and inside was simply beautiful, such detail and grace and just -wow. Anyways, I wanted an Ozmopolitan (basically a green cocktail and in a green glowing glass, very cool!) but waited until interval because Erin said I should. So I did. But I was very excitable.

Bought a copy of the Programme and was happily reading away and I discovered that the Lead for Elphaba was actually one of the original cast members for We Will Rock You in London, how awesome is that?!! Anyways, we ended up with the understudy for Elphaba as I guess the first night would have been the lead. Anyways, she was brilliant. Just incredible and talented and amazing. The whole cast was. The whole show was.

Better still for the most part if kept relatively close to the book which is great. Yeah, wow, fantastic, so worth waiting like nearly two years to see it. In addition to that, I came to realise just how much I miss going to the Theatre. I really do. It almost reduced me to tears. Its an incredible thing. I miss Theatre, and I miss going often, but its just so expensive here!

Road Trippin

I'm reading a book at the moment by Bill Bryson and it's called The Lost Continent. Basically its about his experiences road tripping across America. Having done a good deal of this myself, I can actually relate to a lot of what he writes. Its all quite humerous! However, the point I wanted to make was that America really is quite a diverse place and the country changes ever so quickly from state to state. I mean we're talking a matter of miles here. You can cross the boarder into a neighbouring state and it's like being in a brand new country. People change, buildings, roads, foods it's really incredible.

If any one of you reading this are thinking about going to America for a holiday, seriously, drive it. Okay you may not fit in many major cities if you're going East to West or West to East, but even then I suppose you won't catch that many going North to South or South to North... point being that you can really see what small town America is like. I've loved it and am looking forward to the next one in December. This one will start in Los Angeles, California and take me to Richmond, Kentucky, going via Vagas, El Paso, Dallas, Atlanta and so on and so forth. We're going across the South and I have to admit I'm really excited about it! Of course there will be Disneyland at the start of it (who can't get excited about that).

Yay!

Appriciation

That's not true, I want to retract that comment. I have not lost myself. I just find myself in a work place where I no longer feel I am of any use to the people here. I feel that I can't help, I can't get any joy out of the job like I used to. This whole copier/stores thing has become a right pain. I work my ass off for these people, busting my butt to go above and beyond. But the second something goes wrong (usually through a third party and of no doing of my own) I'm the worst in the world and crap at my job. I'm tired of other people having a go at me because of things other people have done. When things go missing, or stop working or people don't show up -it's always my fault. People take it out on me and I am so over it. I just don't feel that I'm any good here any more.

At the moment my desktop background is a photo from my window at Pax Lodge. So it shows the front lawn, drive and road out onto the street. Its actually kind of nice. Most importantly though it reminds me of a time when I felt I was achieving something. I felt like the work and effort I put in was appriciated. Yes it was an office job and yes at times I just wanted to break out of the bubble, but people really honestly thanked me for the work I did for them. I'm not asking for certificates or parties or anything, but a simple thank you once in a while would be nice. It just seems that phrase is not in the vocab of people in this building.

No wonder I wanted to quite. I think deep down I still do.

Customer Service

Or lack there of should be the title. It really pisses me off. I mean these days, seriously, no one really cares about giving good customer service and going above and beyond the call of duty. I've always been one of those people. If you're going to help someone, do it properly. Do our jobs well! Doreen would be proud. Anyways, it seems that there is a breed of non-customer friendly people. No one returns calls. No one wants to help even if you've spoken to someone else. They'd rather leave you hanging by a thread waiting and waiting and waiting for help. Our photocopier/printer/fax machine has been out since Thursday. The piece of crap and poor excuse of technology that it is seems to be more trouble than it's worth. However, the service call that was put in at 2pm on Thursday has still not been given and it's now 10L45am on Tuesday. Call after call I have made to no avail. Argh! And then there is the stationary company. Don't even start me on those dumbasses. Seriously. It just bugs the crap out of me. And then there are the new generation of admin staff in this building. Gone are the days of a Chris, or Jan or Zoe. Melanie and I are a dying breed in this place, we are the last of the old admin staff who actually gave a damn about their work, about the members we serve and the role we play.

However in thinking that, I realise that now days, I really hate my job. I can remember when I used to beam about it. I used to think I was worth something in this organisation, this squad this floor this building. But alas thats not the case. I find myself not caring. And it's because of other people which is a really bad thing because I never used to let other people influence my manner of thinking. But it's happened. Am I losing myself?

Beep Beep Beeeeep!

No that's not a car horn. Nor a bee nor any other kinda of beetle having a psycho half hour. Of seconds, either way. I just couldn't think up a title for my post. I'm aiming to have a different one each time, we'll see how that goes. Eventually I'm sure I'll miss-mindedly (is that even a word?) use the same post title twice. I so need a life.

The weekend was relatively quiet. Which was good. Friday even I suffered the tail end of an old day and felt like I was about 100. Haven't felt like that in a very long time. It crippled me and I did not move. What resulted was a quiet weekend indeed, spent mainly at home minus the trip to a farmers market on Saturday morning. The arvo was spent doing Guide stuff and watching TV and playing cards. Very riviting stuff.

Also the was the onset of a relationship break up. Not my own, do not worry, though that's not without stresses, it's someone else. A good pal who is overseas and whose relationship has been going as long as my own. It's sad, but then I do not know everything and people split for their own reasons. Well, they're on a break, but I'm thinking the break might be a permanent arrangement. Which is sad. But it happens. Its just hard being of any use so very far away.

That will change in Feb no doubt. I'll be a lot closer to the life I want, well closer than I am here at least. In some ways.

Marking Time

Compared to the last few days, I don't feel any worse. I have to admit I'm not sure I feel much better, but not worse and that's the good thing. Mind you, my body is SO sore right now it's not funny. A whole hour of PT at the gym last night and it was hard work man! That and I didn't sleep all that well and have woken up with a stiff neck. Maybe my chiro appointment this afternoon will help sort that our a little. He's pretty good is Roy, and funny too.

I made a decision about the whole cert IV in Small business management. I'm gonna pass. Not because I don't think I can do it (because at one point in my life that would have been the reason) rather I don't think the timing is right. I have a fair few expenses coming up in the next few months and I just sort of feel at this point in time the money can be better spent there. In saying that, where ever I settle next year (likely to be London) I can pick the course up via correspondence there which might be better in the long run. So I'm not saying no completely, just putting it off for a short while that's all.

Have found a new crime author I really enjoy reading and better still, there are no make out scenes in them! Argh that's one thing that really bugs me about some crime writers -the main character always has to get laid. I mean come on people its about crime and solving crimes! Anyways, Willian Kent Kruger or something along those lines, is the fellow I've stumbled upon simply because I liked the cover of his book Thunder Bay. Funnily enough I've found a few good books that way! But I like his style and pace and just how different it feels to read his books. Its a nice change I have to admit.

The television is a right pain in the butt at the moment. There is like NOTHING on TV. Though I am happy that they've finally put the new episodes of Numbers on again. It took them long enough! Because of the lack of entertainment on the box (when I've time and patience to watch it) I've started watching Friends. It was never a show a got into while it was all popular, in fact I never even watched an episode. However lately I've been catching a few when I get home from the gym and it's just kinda hooked me in. I love how mind numbing it is, yet funny at the same time. I am so like Joey. Seriously, I am. That's me. And I've taken up saying "how you doin". Dear me. That's all I need.

Ohh exciting times ahead today. It's pay day (not that it matters all that much) which means grocery shopping this evening and Noodle Box. Oh yay! Hold me back! The Excitement is just too much for me!

Ponderings and News

Okay so it's been a pretty crappy fews days. I've lost a pal and come to realised that right here in this country I have enough people on my hand to count that I care about. That's it. I've been questioning my return to the country, wondering if at all in the long run it was really worth it. So I've been depressed. Really, I have. I'll admit it. Trying for a long time to ignore the fact I don't have a life here, rather just an existance. Now I've also put a date to a departure from here at the end of the year. Either the 6th or 7th of December. Less than six months to go.

Of late I've been putting some thought into registering a tradmark name and starting my own business. Photography of course, cards, framed and mounted, portraits for grads and weddings. I could do it. I'd enjoy it. I'd need a super cool camera, but even without that I'm willing to admit without feeling big headed that I do have some talent. And that's a start. So I was looking into a Cert IV in Business Management to get myself set up with some skills to figure out how the hell I am going to do this. The next few days will tell.

This morning was the last session of Wednesday Bootcamp. Yes indeed we measured up against our times and efforts from the very first session some 8 weeks ago. Or maybe it's 7. Not sure. Either way, I topped everything and my greatest claim to fame is shaving 1min and 10sec off my running time. Totally pumped about that. I really am. I screamed great joy when I heard the time. Lucky very few people were around lol.

Feeling Dejected

Right now I just feel so disconnected. Like something is off balance and nothing seems to be going right. Not so much in the physical world because in the bigger picture it's actually quite fine. More so it seems to be an inner disconnection. There are a couple of people at the moment (spread across the globe as it would happen, so no easy fix) which seem to have taken something I said the wrong way. Three seperate issues, each leaving me feel like I'm the worst person in the world. One in particular is playing on my mind.

The weekend saw me catch up with an old friend, who used to be a really good friend. Like many things I've discovered since my return, it takes a process or re-learning and re-discovering things. Mainly because I have changed. And the people involved have changed which is to be expected in such a large gap of time. So I'm faced with getting to know people again. And in all innocence I asked this friend why she was with her partner. It seems like it was the wrong thing to do and now both might be mad at me. I dunno, I thought it was a pretty logical question in fact a question I know I've asked other friends in the past. It's something I thought people would ask me because it's a part of knowing who this person I now am is. But no one has asked me. So I'm left wondering if maybe I shouldn't have asked it. I don't know. All I do know is that it's left a bad taste in my mouth and I hate it.

It leaves me wondering just what it is I am sticking around here for.

Too much has happened and changed and even stayed the same. For the most part I've been putting in a heap of effort to get to know people again, more than I feel I probably should compared to (in my opinion) what other have done towards me. I just feel like people in general have just assumed that I'm the same person who left the country some years ago. And it bugs the crap out of me. How much of my life here is left to hold onto? Seriously, I doubt that my leaving at the end of the year is going to have any impact on anyone (at least here in Australia) other than a few select members of my family, and even then I think I can count four. What the hell has made me stay put for so long? If anything, I should have just stayed away because it's been becoming increasingly clear that no one gives a damn. Which hurts, it really does because I felt like I put so much effort into maintaining relationships with people. Why should I bother? Because I care? Well look where caring has got me. No where. Just miserable.

Sniffles

That sounds like a cute name for a fluffy dog! Alas it is not, we do not have a pet and have no plans to get one in the near future. Which is a shame. I miss having pets. Rather it is a reference to a noise and action which has played a large part in my life in the past four days. Damn you winter!

However, I'm feeling much better now and after having missed bootcamp on Saturday morning am like totally kicking myself for losing such a perfect record. Darn it! Believe it or not, this is the last week, just two more sessions to go. Wednesday morning I plan to slash lots of time off my first run. Or at least some time. That's the hope and aim. We'll see how it goes.

The weekend was relatively quiet, did nothing much other than watch TV, play card games, drive a little and have dinner with a pal I have not seen for close to three years. She and her partner and another pal. What an evening it was. For me it was nice to catch up, but on the same token it also opened my eyes to a few things and allows me to see that perhaps some perspectives have been over looked. I didn't know a friend of mine could be so cruel. That is about the only way I can put it. And it's sad. Really it is.

I'm still at work and still cheesed about things going on, but in the long run it's probably best if I stay put. Trust me, if I could quit tomorrow I would. But in the long run where I want to be might mean a little sacrifice in the interum. Sounds like the story of my life really. Okay, well at least some parts of it.

Not sure if I mentioned the prospect of mum going through divorce number three. I'm not really sure where that's all at, but I just wish that it had worked out you know? I dunno. There's a history there and for once it would have been nice to see her settled and happy. Not meant to be I guess. Its kinda crazy really.

Numb Bum

I do, I have, its sore. And one should think so! After spending close to six years not having riden a bike, the 31kms (close to 20 miles) I did on Sunday has left a lasting impression. Literally every time I sit, stand and walk. I almost feel like John Wayne. Seriously. It's not funny! I suppose it makes up for missing Bootcamp on Saturday morning. I was doing so well! Stupid me thought I had set my alarm and I hadn't. I can't tell you how pissed I was!

Its been a rather eventful Queen's Birthday Weekend. Aside from the bike ride, visiting a cool book warehouse and getting some good books, there was also an issue with electricity, Erin being sick and me being addicted to a new card game. Also in there was a mini-friends Marathon, a movie about a control freak and her gay housemate and some interesting food ideas. Life is never dull.

Movements

There is going to be a lot of shifting and changing and flying and packing over the next few months. Calm down, I didn't get my greencard (or at least that I know of) and even then I'm only talking about the next two or three months. Not six.

Firstly, Maggie is coming over from the US, yay! We're going up to Sydney for that. Then in September Nancy is coming back to Australia which is very exciting also. She'd like to go to Canberra. I can think of a dozen other places much cooler and entertaining and interesting. BUT that's where she wants to go so that's where we shall go.

Also comes the news that my mum and Phil are getting divorced. Just seven months into marriage it's not working, thus they are splitting. In addition to that news comes the fact that mum will move back to Tassie to be with family. For me this brings up a whole lot of other questions and what ifs and I wonder whys. Alas I guess in time we shall see. I stopped caring so much a long time ago. I need to put that energy into making my own life work.

Lots going on. As always. Life is not still. On the subject of still, I'm still at my job, though other issues have come to light that are rather unfair. I don't really want to go into too much detail, but I've come to realise that I might not be the only person with my eye on my position. It would seem that a relative of a boss may be next in line. Who knows. As long as I get another six months out of this job, I'm sure it will be fine. Unless something better comes along in the mean time.

Gym and weight loss and measurements are all over the place. Overall it's all a loss. But my body is doing weird things right now and its both interesting and disturbing all at the same time.

Oh Gee, no wonder!

So Erin has a pal coming in July from the US. Maggie, I am not sure I have mentioned this. Anyways, she (as well as Erin) wants to go to Sydney so I went ahead and booked for the weekend of Erin's birthday (17-21st July). All hunky dory, got some pretty descent flight prices. Then I started to look for accommodation. Tried and tried and unless we wanted to pay like $1000 for four nights, we were getting nothing.

Its at this point you should ask yourself, I wonder what is going on in Sydney that week/end to make it so hard to find descent accommodation? I know I was, but couldn't think of anything.

Sunday morning we're hunting online for accommodation again and finally got a hold of someone who had one room left for three people. Perfect. He made a comment about picked a great weekend to come and I was all like "why, what's going on?" and he laughed and told me that the reason for the higher cost of accomoodation (what was left) was because of a PopeTax (it was a joke mind you) and it suddenly dawned on me.

We are going to be in Sydney four days during the Youth Day Summit thing where at least 125,000 International guests are expected to swell to Sydney for the Pope's visit. Wholly crap! I sure can pick them! I'm such a dumbass!