Done One

Its all rather exciting really. This coming July will see the second X-files movie launch onto the big screen and scare the crap out of us all. Maybe. But what's really exciting is all the build up to it. Once more the XF boards are alive and those of us who have been hanging on for years have finally been rewarded for our dedication. Now we must sit and wait until it hits screens because the plot is so hush hush that no one seems to know anything concrete.

The Facebook group I'm in practically exploded over the weekend with the official movie poster being released and lots of exciting things happening at PARLEY. Needless to say yours truely was out of action due to moving and has since missed all the exciting stuff via links because Twentieth Century Fox must employ people just to scan the net. Lots of footage and trailers only manage to stay up for a few hours before being taken down.

I lost a bit of time here in this blog. Its like keeping a real life journal, days can go by without actually writing anything. Unlike a real journal though, this one comes with much less guilt should you miss a few days.

The weather has been insane. Only a week ago we were sweltering. Now it's darn freezing and pouring with rain. Don't get me wrong, I know we need the rain, but still, it would be nice not to get wet. It poured on moving day. One of the removalists slipped and bruised his butt bone, that's so got to be hurting him right about now. They (the pair of them) were hilarious, and New Zealanders who kept saying "Got it Bro?" and "You right Bro?" and constantly amusing me with the way they spoke to each other. I can give you their number if you want fast, efficient and entertaining removalists.

It is just hair after all

This morning an odd thought occured to me. Okay, so maybe not perhaps a thought as such, more like an observation. Hair is such an odd thing. I mean, it's just there. Some people have long hair or blonde hair or grey hair or curly hair. In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't do much other than hang.

Perhaps its my sudden release from having hair which makes me think this way. Today marked my first journey into work on the train since having my head shaved. Yes, while there is a week of growth up there, it's still a rather striking style to have. Despite all my efforts to become totally engrossed in my book (I suppose it's not all that brilliant after all) I could still feel people looking. And that is an odd feeling too. Even if you can't see people looking at you, sure as anything you can feel it. I wonder what their thoughts were? Some people at work were afraid to ask about the hair in case I was terminally ill or something.

So as I was sitting there, trying to read my book and trying not to feel people looking, I couldn't help my eyes wandering off the pages and just sort of looking at people's hair. Not their faces, their hair. I should imagine there were a few people who felt me looking! But as I was sitting there I came to realise it really has no purpose other than to help us with our vanity. I mean really it has more hazards than advantages when you think about it. Its not like it will help you with the washing, or drive the car for you, nor offer to pay your bills. It's just this coloured thing on your head. A sitting, hanging, swaying thing.

Ramblings

Its Saturday evening. I am sitting on the couch with my legs straight out tapping away on my laptop sitting here with The X-Files on in the background. Yep, I'm sitting here watching Unusual Suspects, the episode that explains how Mulder met The Lone Gunmen. Not something of major importance to most people out there, I mean for most people I could be talking jibberish for all they cared.

I feel like sitting and rambling only I'm not really sure what it is I want to talk about. I just got an e-mail from someone I used to go to school with who in the past year or so has started a relationship which seems to have started in a similar way to my own. Which is kinda nice to know that someone else out there might understand how I came to be at this point of my life. Three years ago I could have laughed at someone who had told me this would be how things turned out. I mean three years ago multiple people were laying bets that I'd go to the UK and meet some great british chap who would sweep me off my feet and marry me. Ha! how wrong they were! I mean even then I was a bit psycho, I was hooked on a guy I worked with and looking back I really have no idea why I was! It was such a wrong thing for me to do, I keep telling myself that it must have been my hormones. That or it was some midlife crisis that had showed itself a hell of a lot earlier than it should have!

Anyways, I am happy, which is nice.

My hair is starting to grow back a lot quicker than I thought it would. It's nice and springy now, though I should think it's growth process would slow down a little.

I have a Personal Trainer class on Wednesday night which is a bit of a scary thing because I'm likely to get my butt kicked and have it pointed out to me just how unfit I actually am. And this is something that I pay for. Just what kind of person signs up for a gym? Okay, a person like me who knows she's a bit on the chubby side and little less fit than she was two years ago. I'd like to make some major changes in my appearence, but I know that these things take time.

So, does anyone have a watch?

Bowling, Burgers and Back Pain

Disco Bowling is one of the most annoying things only when the staff can't decided if they want all the overhead normal lights on, or if they want to dip the place in darkness only lit up by glowing bowling balls and swinging lights. Its enough to make anyone seasick I tell you. But how does a score of 119 match in the overall feel of the sport? I mean, do I suck so bad that I shouldn't publish that score? Or is that pretty good considering I was bowling on an empty stomach and had just come from the chiropractor?

Needless to say it can't be any worse than chowing down on Hungry Jacks (Burger King) at around 11pm at night.

Since it's Good Friday today, I did my best to avoid watching the Good Friday Appeal on the TV. I'm such an emotional person when it comes to kids, I always end up crying. So since we are moving this week, there is no time like the present to start moving all the stuff not being looked after by the moving van. In other words, everything aside from all the big furniture. Needless to say some three hours later my back was aching like you would believe. I have never in my life felt back pain like that. Never.

And they expect me to go to body combat tomorrow morning? Ha, chance would be a fine thing.

Typical

It erks me to no end to know that suddenly the Landlord has taken an interest in the property that he owns, enough to come and cut back all the threes, look after the drive way and make the general look of the four apartments far more appealing to the eye. Having been in the place 11 months and become increasingly aware of all the faults with it, I'm now wondering if potential renters know that they are in for.

Yep, I came home from work last night to see the place all spick and span. Funny what the onset of new interest can spark. Now all he has to do is get all the taps to work, fly screens on all the windows, all the doors square, the roof repairs, the possoms gone, the carpet replaced and the floor evened out and it'll be somewhat more livable for the next tennant. Remind me in the future to make a good look over the places I see and not settle for something that I think can be easily lived in. A note to all renters out there: Look a hell of a lot closer than you think you need to!

At least the new place seems far grander. We went over to complete the inspection report and looked a lot closer and it all seems brilliant. All the doors open, there are no crawling things in the walls (not that there is room considering it's double brick), the floors are even, the carpet is in near new condition, all the taps work, all the fly screens are on all the windowns, no major holes and guess what? It's a bit cheaper too!

Better still its just a short walk to a store which sells both American and British food products of the sweet nature. How perfect!

Oh So Tired

Surely I've been awake long enough for my body to be awake now right? No, certainly not. Over two hours since getting out of bed and I am still yawning and yawning and yawning. And I feel really, really tired. Which is quite hilarious in its own way because I've managed to be yawning as people are coming through the door and have kinda scared them!

My experiences with no hair thus far haven't been as traumatic as I feared they may. But then in the grand scheme of things I've not really been out in the public eye. Right now I sit in the hiding hole that is my reception desk and I drove in today and well, it was the weekend so I was able to limit who saw me. Tomorrow will be the test. I'm loving not having to wash my hair, showers are nice and short and well, it's like build in Air Con!

Aside from that nothing major is going on really. Well no I should rephrase that because in the building excitement to shavign my head, we had our first Kids on the Block puppet show down in Corio which went really, really well! It was very exciting because the kids responded well, we got another booking out of it and perhaps may have picked up another puppeteer!

Then on Friday we also picked up the key to our new apartment which is soooo much cooler than the one we are currently in. So moving is actually something to really look forward to which makes a nice change.

I Have, I did -It's Done!

Almost three hours into my life without hair and what the best description I can give you? Well driving along with the window down feels like that tingling sensation you get in your leg after you know that you've got pins and needles and the blood is starting to come back into that area of your body. I can tell you now it's one weirdly amazing feeling!

I woke up feeling fine all things considered. Poor Erin I think was freaking out far more than I was, infact she was the one chanting oddly "Oh my gosh you're going to lose your hair". And I was just sort of brushing her comments aside and laughing.

It began with a lovely and utterly sinful yet delicious breakfast in Ackland Street. From there we walked back to Luna Park, met up with my aunt and uncle and then they decided to show some support, along with Erin, and get their hair spray painted. It was great! Took lots of photos of this, then we walked into Luna Park. There were a lot of people around, it's a hot summers day and there are lots of kids parties going on.

Suddenly the shave stand was before us and as soon as they twigged I was shaving my head, I started to draw a crowd. I'm serious, I think I was the first female to shave my hair thus far that day at that location. And so I sign in, hand my bag to the waiting fans of camera's and video camera and phones and microphones and found my way to the thorne where by I would lose my hair.

To be honest, I think having a big crowd kinda egged me on, I didn't at all feel nervous or scared. If anything I was sweating horribly but because of the heat and nothing else. Suddenly the clippers were being set up and I went for a '0' and away she went, shaving and shaving and shaving...about five minutes later it was all over and done with. As soon as she started to remove the bulk of my hair, I began to feel nice and cool! I mean seriously, who needs aircon?!

Alas I sit here now, closer to three hours later having driven my car, sat in a public cafe with my bald head speaking to the world and having had my first shower. I can tell you, it's hard to break the habit of the routine of showering! No need to touch the hair or rub shampoo into it or wring it out at the end. It's all done for you!

For the most part I find myself forgetting I don't have hair. Until I look in the mirror or a window that it.

Losing It

Two words which can be taken in so many vastly different ways! Mostly rather turbulent which seems almost fitting considering how I feel right now knowing that in 30 hours from now I will have a bald head. The hair that I so tediously blow dried and straightened this morning will be long gone and will not be like this for some time. In fact, there is a possibility it may never be like this again. But that's my choice to make.

On the way to work this morning (I drove), I found myself deep in thought. When you consider the time of morning I drive to work and the volume of traffic that is around on a normal day (right now the F1 Grand Prix is in Melbourne right behind where I work!) then you know that's probably not really a safe situation. Alas I made it in one piece and so did my car.

What got me thinking was about shaving my head and why and who for. In my thinking I came to really understand that cancer is something that can have an impact on all of us, be it an immediate one or one that strikes somewhere along the domino effect that surges out from a cancer sufferer. Initially what prompted me to do this was my grandmother's death right before Christmas last year. Her battle with pancreatic cancer ended up too much for her body and seeing her in her last few days I feel that at least now she is no longer suffering the pain, nor the loss of dignity in front of her family. Nonna Anna was a very proud woman and I know that should she have been in her normal mind set, she would have hated for us to see her that way.

Then I thought more about other people in my life who have battled with some form of cancer over the years. Rosy whom I have known for a large chunk of my life had Hodgkinsons Lymphoma. Mrs Roberts who was one of my favourite teachers in high school battled with Breast Cancer. Leaving this country and moving to others there was my wonderful host mother Donna in Vancouver who showed the love and care towards me and my companions like she would give to people she'd known her whole life. Sadly Donna has passed away. While in England I visited some long time family friends who I'd met previously many, many years before. Dear Floss lost her battle with cancer late last year.

The one thing that all these women had/have in common was/is their passion for life and learning and teaching and family. Somewhere in their strong selves they found an inner strength that most people never really have to draw on and a part of that is knowing that death may be coming for you. The strength to ask for help. The need for love and care. But most amazingly the strength to inspire others. They've left a mark on my life which will always be there for one reason or another.

None of them had a choice when it came to cancer. Most of them lost their hair because of the chemo, there was no choice to be made. For the most part I am fit and healthy and I feel that by doing this I can support them or help to support those who suffer in the future.

Yes I am scared. I'll admit it, I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed knowing that this would be my last full day with hair. But I also know that it will grow back. I'm not a vain person, but I am pretty attached to my locks. However, the fear I hold now must be nothing compared to the fear that all those women (and many more people around the world) must face on a daily basis. If by choice I chose to be scared, then I know in my heart of hearts I am doing something good and something to be proud of. I am making the statement that I do care and that I do want to make a difference.

At the start of all this I dedicated this brave shave to the life and memory of my dear Nonna, today I made the dedication to all of those who have touched my life and have had to go through a battle with cancer. I am proud of you and your strength. And by doing this I really do hope that somehow I can make a difference, even if it is just a small one -it is something.

Life is nothing without hope and hope is nothing without life.

Not quite, but almost

Right now I feel kinda quiet. Wanting to withdraw and be kind of quiet while sitting at a reception desk doesn't quite work out all that well. You have to be alert, have to answer the phone and speak to people plus deal with anyone that comes up to your desk. It happens, I know, it's a part of the job but not conducive to my mood.

Why quiet? To be honest I'm really not that sure. The rational part of me knows that it's just the calm before the storm as the next few days promises to be pretty full on. In a lot of different ways and will require a lot of different emotions to surface, either in the public or in the privacy of my own home. But that other part of me that is not rational thinks that maybe there is something else going on in that tiny little brain of mind. Turning things over. Either that or I have had far too much caffine and for some odd reason it's decided to have the reverse effect on me.

There is just one full day that separates me from losing my hair. Perhaps that has lulled me. Perhaps its knowing that today is pay day but regardless I'm as poor as I was yesterday. Oddly life will do that to a person. The cost of living, eh? Or even it's just knowing that as I sit in this stuffy office, it's an awful lot more hot outside! If figure if I sit here and be all quiet like, no one will ask me to go outside and do anything for them. Not that they usually do, but knowing my luck today would be the day that they start.

In A Heartbeat

Ah yes, those three words that riddled me throughout the month of November 07. The adventure that was NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writers Month) for the first time ever. It's not that particular experience I want to talk about, though I really did enjoy the challenge of it. What I do want to look at is: Where to from here?

I've got a complete story which is in the process of going through a second writing. I've had my chief editor (!) read over the piece and tell me any thoughts, opinions, changes etc. There are things to fix, I know that, I knew that when I read it in it's complete form for the first time. However, if I do say so myself, its rather brilliant for a first draft. Which is exactly why I'm bringing this up. It's just that, a first draft.

Many years ago, and some of my high school friends will no doubt remember this, I embarked on the journey to become a writer. Back then I merely wanted to publish something and I think right back in the very beginning I wanted it to have something to do with The X-Files. Admittedly I have since grown past that phase of my life to the point where I still love the show, but it's not all I live and breathe. Certainly it's not all I write about now days.

Point being is that back a little while ago, though not back as far as my obsession days, I made a promise to myself that I would have something published by the time I was 30. I'm not doing too bad in the grand scheme of things, I've had a few articles published in local publications, a little bit of fame on fanfiction.net (though obsession related) and I found a new audience in the session participants who visited us at Pax Lodge over two summers. There I re-found my artistic flare to write and began to enjoy the art again.

Thus, I'm talking about In A Heartbeat. When I came up with the idea to write it . . . wait I really should not say that because the original notions for my NaNoWriMo project were for it to contain a character who was pushy called Cassandra and it had to have a lighthouse in it and a scene on an airplane. Yep, that's what I went into 30 days of hardcore writing with. I pulled it off though which is some comfort. However, what I was trying to get at was I didn't think I would produce something that I would like so much, and would work so well, that I would consider using it as a chance to have published. In all honesty, I expected that month of writing to be pretty useless because I really did have no idea as to where I was going with it.

Sitting back now, I know that it did go somewhere and it did work out quite well. In a conversation with a friend from Armenia last night, I realised that I did want to really give this publishing lark a go. Only if I am going to use In A Heartbeat I will most likely have the most success in London as that is where it is mostly based and the main point of the story occurs around the time of the London Underground bombings in the summer of 2005.

Night Noises

This will be the thing now, I know I have a place to come and write and will want to write about all sorts of random things at all sorts of times of day. Like I need another distraction at work, as if I don't spend enough time on Facebook! Wait, let me put it this way. I do work. But I also think the temptation of having internet access all day is just a little too much for me.

At the moment, the house is silent. Aside from the small humming of my laptop and my tap-tap tapping on the keys. I vaugely remember being up at all hours of the morning one night writing. Ahh yes, I was staying at a friends place and was typing away at about 3am in the morning. It was a classic writers pose. The house was dark aside from the small lamp on the table next to me. There were papers spread on the desk and a low smoke was hanging in the air. This was back in my indulging days. Not so much any more. But I was there, hunched over the keys tap-tap tapping back then struggling to breathe. That's not the case this evening. I can breath quite well. And that will improve, according to Roy my chiro.

There is this one thing he does that always kinda weirds me out in the sense I am scared that my neck is going to break! I mean he assured me that the odds are like a gabillion to one of that happening, but its just that kneejerk reaction you know? I do feel a lot better for it though, my back doesn't ache as much and I do feel that my posture has improved a hell of a lot. I am so glad of that, there are times I feel like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Starting at the Beginning

Well it's now official -I have a blog. What made me start one you ask? Well multiple reasons really. Mainly because I do keep a journal which I have not put pen to paper in since May last year. Yes, nearly a whole year. That's pretty bad on my part. I want to be able to track my life as best I can so maybe it's time to convert that tracking to an electronic version.

Also because I know a lot is going to happen in the next year or so. Much promises to change, once again, and from what I can see it's all for the better. It always is, right? I know that the time will come when I will once more depart the land of Australia and not return for some time. So for those I will leave behind, this will be a place to let them know what is going on without clogging up their e-mail accounts with endless tales and words and lines and paragraphs.

It then is also a way to let friends I have now pass on into what was. I've experienced enough thus far in life to know that friends come and go for various reasons. There is nothing wrong nor sad about about. Or at least that's how I feel now looking back. I'm very much a thinker, a reflector when it comes to past happenings. There are many, many past happenings I will no doubt reflect on. However, not all of those will make an appearance today.

I guess the most significant thing to happen in days to come will be my decision to shave my head for the Leukaemia Foundation. That happens on Saturday. Just four days from now. Its scary to be honest because I'm not really sure what I am letting myself in for. I have a lot of hang ups about myself, how I look and how I act. This will only open myself up to more riddicule (in my own mind) but I think I am ready for that. I've been facing a lot of demons this past year, coming to understand and accept myself a lot more. I also think I've come to like myself a lot more too! Which has to be a good thing.

Today I will start my blogging journey and see how far into the future it will take me. Who knows, ten years from now I still may be doing this. But knowing the rate that technology grows these days, I'm sure the blog will have been long replaced by then.