Drive

And that pretty much sums it up really. That's what I want to do. Drive. I just have this crazily overwhelming urge to get into my little car, toss in a good CD and head out for a grand old Sunday drive, out across the Westgate, watching the sun dance on the surface of Port Phillip Bay. Seeing the glass bouce sunlight off windows, try not to run over a cyclist heading through Brighton. Or maybe I'd head West, out into no where. Or maybe a little North, out through Whittlesea, the hills and mountains leading out to Flowerdale and beyond. The problem? That's not my life anymore!

Homesick? Not sure. Maybe a little. But not in the way most assume I would be by this point. I honestly cannot tell you the physical ache I have not to be able to just climb into my car and go. We have so many memories together! And so many miles together! I guess it's just the weather today, it reminds me of a good day to drive. Maybe it's because I just don't have that release any more. I often found the best way to sort out my thoughts was to just get out of the house and go. I remember once I went out to get some yoghurt and came back six hours later, no yoghurt. Its strange, I don't really miss my former life. I mean I miss parts of it, don't get me wrong, and I miss people too. But not enough that it holds me back. I just, I guess I have moments that seem like an out of body experience where I can imagine and feel what it was to be in a certain place.

I feel a little bit in limbo at the moment. Like I'm stuck between what was and what is to become. Which is indeed a new feeling. Makes a nice change from everything feeling just hopeless and horrible and just the routine of life. It feels like standing on the egde of the Grand Canyon. That's it, thats the feeling I have. Just like there is big expanse of open air in front of me, this gaping hole so beautiful, yet so scary. Good grief what was in my cereal this morning?!