Wherever We Wander, Wherever We Roam . . .

I've been asked a few times in the past weeks about how it feels to be back at Pax Lodge again. For the most part there has been mixed feelings. Things have changed and yet some things have not. There are things I see or hear which make me stop and pause and wonder what the response would have been in my time as a volunteer. Its only natural, I am sure all those who return do exactly the same thing.

To be back has been a new experience for me. Third time returning to Pax and each time has been different. My first time was back on the cusp of adulthood. I'd just turned 18, was in my final months of high school and at a very complex stage of my life. Indeed one of many! I don't remember too much, only that the house tour we took was given by our own London Guide from Birmingham, Ruth. I remember it being a very moving time for my other traveling companions, and perhaps I cried too. I'm not sure. I know a part of me walked away that day feeling that the experience was not as moving as I had expected it to be. At that point, I really didn't believe I'd come back.

Experience number two spanned 14 months of my life, at yet another complex point in time. Many of the people who will read this were a part of that experience. It really was life changing in so many ways. Beyond what mere words could ever help me to express. I grew and learned and experiences, and most of all lived and felt alive. The one thing I do know is that it was unique to me and while some common factors will be shared between those who were there with me, there were personal journeys which no one will ever fully understand or relate to.

Then there is now. The Long Term Resident. Sort of an outsider, but closer to the experience than a guest would be. Generally speaking of course. Its such an interesting role to find myself in. I observe, as I always do, and think about what things the current staff and volunteers will learn and experience about and for themselves.

This evening there were welcome ceremonies and leaving ceremonies. These are somewhat personal moments which will shape how the new arrivals will view there new friends, and how those leaving will be forever engraved into the history of the building. To become another face, or memory or legend that will be mentioned in the years to come, if not by name, but by reputation. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a stranger walk through the door in those moments, wondered what they would think or feel or turn away running from.

I firmly believe that in the atmosphere remains a part of every staff member and volunteer. When a candle is lit, and the lights go down, somewhere in the glowing aura of the flame lingers a special vibe. Its in that swaying light where you can be witness to world peace. To the coming together of different races, cultures and personalities. There is something magical about hearing a Guide Promise and Taps being said and sang in a foreign language. Its in those glowing moments that life bonds are forged.

So while things may change or stay unchanged at a visual level, its those small, quiet and personal moments which remain the same. Words might be different, ceremonies may differ from time to time, but right there in that moment, lay an unspoken understanding as to why each person is there and what they hold closest to their hearts. A special moment to which few are privileged to see and feel and hear.

To my Pax Lodge Family of new friends, old friends, mentors, guardians, sisters and life companions, I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and though we may only see each other once a year, once every four years or once every ten years we'll forever be bound by our memories, experiences and friendships. Life may present us with challenge and change, but together, somehow, we'll make it through.

And if all else fails, I'll always meet you there, Where The Rainbow Ends.