Losing It

Two words which can be taken in so many vastly different ways! Mostly rather turbulent which seems almost fitting considering how I feel right now knowing that in 30 hours from now I will have a bald head. The hair that I so tediously blow dried and straightened this morning will be long gone and will not be like this for some time. In fact, there is a possibility it may never be like this again. But that's my choice to make.

On the way to work this morning (I drove), I found myself deep in thought. When you consider the time of morning I drive to work and the volume of traffic that is around on a normal day (right now the F1 Grand Prix is in Melbourne right behind where I work!) then you know that's probably not really a safe situation. Alas I made it in one piece and so did my car.

What got me thinking was about shaving my head and why and who for. In my thinking I came to really understand that cancer is something that can have an impact on all of us, be it an immediate one or one that strikes somewhere along the domino effect that surges out from a cancer sufferer. Initially what prompted me to do this was my grandmother's death right before Christmas last year. Her battle with pancreatic cancer ended up too much for her body and seeing her in her last few days I feel that at least now she is no longer suffering the pain, nor the loss of dignity in front of her family. Nonna Anna was a very proud woman and I know that should she have been in her normal mind set, she would have hated for us to see her that way.

Then I thought more about other people in my life who have battled with some form of cancer over the years. Rosy whom I have known for a large chunk of my life had Hodgkinsons Lymphoma. Mrs Roberts who was one of my favourite teachers in high school battled with Breast Cancer. Leaving this country and moving to others there was my wonderful host mother Donna in Vancouver who showed the love and care towards me and my companions like she would give to people she'd known her whole life. Sadly Donna has passed away. While in England I visited some long time family friends who I'd met previously many, many years before. Dear Floss lost her battle with cancer late last year.

The one thing that all these women had/have in common was/is their passion for life and learning and teaching and family. Somewhere in their strong selves they found an inner strength that most people never really have to draw on and a part of that is knowing that death may be coming for you. The strength to ask for help. The need for love and care. But most amazingly the strength to inspire others. They've left a mark on my life which will always be there for one reason or another.

None of them had a choice when it came to cancer. Most of them lost their hair because of the chemo, there was no choice to be made. For the most part I am fit and healthy and I feel that by doing this I can support them or help to support those who suffer in the future.

Yes I am scared. I'll admit it, I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed knowing that this would be my last full day with hair. But I also know that it will grow back. I'm not a vain person, but I am pretty attached to my locks. However, the fear I hold now must be nothing compared to the fear that all those women (and many more people around the world) must face on a daily basis. If by choice I chose to be scared, then I know in my heart of hearts I am doing something good and something to be proud of. I am making the statement that I do care and that I do want to make a difference.

At the start of all this I dedicated this brave shave to the life and memory of my dear Nonna, today I made the dedication to all of those who have touched my life and have had to go through a battle with cancer. I am proud of you and your strength. And by doing this I really do hope that somehow I can make a difference, even if it is just a small one -it is something.

Life is nothing without hope and hope is nothing without life.