Feeling Dejected

Right now I just feel so disconnected. Like something is off balance and nothing seems to be going right. Not so much in the physical world because in the bigger picture it's actually quite fine. More so it seems to be an inner disconnection. There are a couple of people at the moment (spread across the globe as it would happen, so no easy fix) which seem to have taken something I said the wrong way. Three seperate issues, each leaving me feel like I'm the worst person in the world. One in particular is playing on my mind.

The weekend saw me catch up with an old friend, who used to be a really good friend. Like many things I've discovered since my return, it takes a process or re-learning and re-discovering things. Mainly because I have changed. And the people involved have changed which is to be expected in such a large gap of time. So I'm faced with getting to know people again. And in all innocence I asked this friend why she was with her partner. It seems like it was the wrong thing to do and now both might be mad at me. I dunno, I thought it was a pretty logical question in fact a question I know I've asked other friends in the past. It's something I thought people would ask me because it's a part of knowing who this person I now am is. But no one has asked me. So I'm left wondering if maybe I shouldn't have asked it. I don't know. All I do know is that it's left a bad taste in my mouth and I hate it.

It leaves me wondering just what it is I am sticking around here for.

Too much has happened and changed and even stayed the same. For the most part I've been putting in a heap of effort to get to know people again, more than I feel I probably should compared to (in my opinion) what other have done towards me. I just feel like people in general have just assumed that I'm the same person who left the country some years ago. And it bugs the crap out of me. How much of my life here is left to hold onto? Seriously, I doubt that my leaving at the end of the year is going to have any impact on anyone (at least here in Australia) other than a few select members of my family, and even then I think I can count four. What the hell has made me stay put for so long? If anything, I should have just stayed away because it's been becoming increasingly clear that no one gives a damn. Which hurts, it really does because I felt like I put so much effort into maintaining relationships with people. Why should I bother? Because I care? Well look where caring has got me. No where. Just miserable.