Thinking About Things

...that I cannot fix or change or even hope to find out about is doing nothing other than wasting my time! Seriously, I mean thinking about people I went to school with like six years ago is pointless. They've moved on, lived their life in various different ways. I can't sit here and wonder if theya re okay or if they survived the first few years after or even if they are alive at the moment. I've met too many people and crossed too many paths to be able to do that. Sadly they are but lost souls to me. Gone, not to return.

I'm not even sure why I started to think about that. I guess I was thinking about writing and about the people I was friends with when I started writing. Then I began to think about Riannon, or Carrigan, as she was known to me. I, her Casper, one day promised that I would dedicate my first book to her. Most people would have forgotten that promise, especially to someone they've not heard a bo-peep from since the day high school ended. But I do remember it. And I do wonder what happened to her. And Sheridan, and Amy and Rachel and Magenta. How is Carly doing now in married life. And Mel, what's it like to be a mother with another child on the way? The people who changed sexual preference, what made them do it? And those who went overseas, like myself, what were their stories?

I guess right now I am just thinking too much about things which I can't put good energy toward finding out the answers or the outcomes.

In thinking about those things, I think about myself now and how much I have changed in a vast number of ways. Looks, feelings, loves, hates. Goals and dreams. Career. I am so far from the person who graduated from high school that it's not funny. I'd like to be that physical size again though, I do admit that! However, I'm on the road to fixing that, and even a week into that aim to fix I feel a slight difference. And that's the main thing. I want to shift a crap load of weight and be back to my Pax Lodge Christmas weight. The thinnest I'd been in a long time. Mind you, the road to getting there wasn't the best one, that's for sure.

I miss Hampstead Heath. Oh gosh now I'm going to start gushing about all the things I miss about London, someone stop me before I do! Otherwise we could be sitting here all day! I would just endlessly type about buses and parks and shows and people and places . . . you get the idea.

Perhaps my issue right now is that I feel idle. I don't feel like I am going in any sort of direction, despite there being so much going on in life right now that it's not funny. I have to admit, I am a busy person trying to cram a whole lot in such a little time with little time to just chill and relax. But part of that lack of energy will soon be fixed no doubt. Or at least here is to hoping.

Rather random change of subject here, but there has been sucha fuss on TV about the Olympic Torch that I'm starting to wonder about the Beijing Games this year. I mean its kinda scary. I can understand why people are up in arms, but what if someone really targets China in that time? I mean there certianly is motive there. I was thinking about it this morning as I was eating my cornflakes and watching the early morning news and how they were talking about the torch location in San Fransisco being all secret for security reasons, and how they might just stop the world torch relay and take it right into China and leave it there until the games start. It is scary. I'd hate to be in the country while the games are on, I really would. I have that horrible sinking feeling that something dreadful is going to happen because of how much emotion is involved in the whole thing. And its understandable. It's just scary for all the innocent people who may become victims of such strong feelings.